I had a difficult time expressing my thoughts but thanks to besolinspired I think I might be able to put some of my thoughts in words.

When a loved one starts to go down the wrong path, whether it is in doing actions that harm themselves, harm someone else or both, we worry, a  lot.  We may confront them, pray for them, get tough with them or try many different actions  to help them.  We want nothing more than for them to take a different path, to find the light and change their ways.  We want their heart and spirit  to be filled with light again. We pray that a drug addicted niece gets and remains sober, an  uncle stops drinking, a father quits bullying his children or a self absorbed mother reconnects with her family and finds joy in being present with her kids.

When the person we love and worry about does in fact change their ways, finds the light, admits their faults and turns their life around, how do we react?  

After the incident in Colorado, I was not a fan of Kobe.  For a long time.  But he really did seem to turn his life around.  He bettered himself, gave everything to the game, mentored others, became and engaged father, followed through and created positive impacts in his community.   I give him credit for that.  His last text message was checking in with a someone he cared about to see how he was doing.  Making sure he was ok.  

If I had  a loved one or a friend who had done something really horrible, I would be so happy if they realized the harm they caused, addressed what happened and turned their life around.  I would not want to minimize the bad that  had happened, but I would be so proud of them for changing course  and making their world and the lives of those they touched better.

So many choose to continue down their  dark pathways.   They refuse to let the light in and reverse course.

I am grateful that by all appearances, he worked hard and righted his ship.  Most of us do not have to right our ship in front of millions of people, we have the luxury of doing that in private.  Hopefully his life will be a positive example in the end for those who also need to right their ship. 

"Fans" tend to love people for all the wrong reasons.   The people who loved him?  And the people he played with and against?  They aren't grieving for a superstar basketball player.  They are grieving for a a engaged loving family member, a friend, someone who inspired them.

 Perhaps maybe even inspired them to right their own ships. 

@lovendures

Let me just say that you are one of the reasons why I've been hanging out in the background on this site for 3 years :).  Your light and energy buoy me.

I am actually surprised by my strong reaction to Kobe's death. I don't follow sports outside of when my kids play. I don't have a favorite team or player. It's background noise to me. But I have not been able to shake his spirit. In my mind I see him smiling.  He's bright and joyous and I'm so happy for him. (I know. It's weird) So, despite the fact that I have zero connection to this man, I have felt compelled over the last few days to defend his legacy. 

I am glad that you noticed that the stories people are sharing have little to do with Kobe's career.  They are all about how he helped people and how he made them feel; how he inspired them to be better in some way. I believe that incident 17 years ago was his life test.  And he passed.  He achieved the goal. His work was done.  He gets to play on a higher level now.

@besoulinspired

Funny that you wrote what you did about Kobe. I knew about the past rape allegation, and even thought it was true. But when I looked at his death I didn't feel like his life was only about that. I didn't get the feeling he was like a Harvey Weinstein or Bill Cosby at all. I felt he had changed and that he used the lesson to be a better person so I didn't remark about Kobe because I wasn't sure how to feel about it all.

A friend of mine reached out to me (she is an African American living in the South). Her son is 15 and was having a tough time about Kobe. She had gone through a death in the family recently and the whole Trump thing was upsetting to her and her sons, who admired and respected President Obama very much. Being they are only 15 and 13, he was really the only POTUS they ever knew. She told me that after T was elected that her and her sons endured a lot of racist taunts. So now she was beside herself on how to explain the death of Kobe Bryant to her son who asked her how this could possibly be God's will that someone dies so young and suddenly (her son is a big Kobe fan and basketball player in school). I told her that when I was younger and my mom died suddenly that it helped to think of it like she was getting out of this life to something better. Sometimes folks are chosen to complete missions, after they complete what they needed to do or learn here that they are needed somewhere else.  I told her that this life is like "bootcamp" for your soul. Some of us have another assignment to complete so they "graduate" and go on to the next assignment. Perhaps we are even part of some others learning, even in death.

Anyway, I agree that Kobe's soul felt like he had learned a hard lesson and his life /soul changed after what he did.

@besoulinspired

I am so humbled and touched by your words.  Thank you.

I have felt  the brightness  is there too.  And love.

@lovendures

You are such a bright light! I couldn't have expressed it better. Thank you.

Once again I typed out a response, hit post, and had the system tell me I was logged out. Boo. 

As a survivor, I do understand the knee jerk reactions to Kobe's death and how that can be at odds with those who adored him as an athlete. I used to think it was a curse to think of things from so many perspectives at once, but as I've aged, I've come to find it a blessing. 

What Kobe did 20 +/- years ago was wrong. Period. However, he was far ahead of his time. Attitudes take ages to make a dent in mainstream thinking, much less in actions. Just 10 years prior, most had not ever even heard of the term spousal rape until the Bobbitt case, much less known there were laws about it. Neither were the terms date/acquaintance rape mainstream concepts. Most only recognized the Hollywood version-a physical beating utilized to force sex on an unwilling person. Consent wouldn't be a mainstream topic for years after Kobe's case. Even today, victims are routinely blamed by defense attorney's or judges. Back then, it was par for the course for Kobe's attorneys to do what they did. Being high profile, she dropped the criminal case. Kobe came out and apologized, and acknowledged that what he thought as a male was consent, was a far cry from what the female perspective of consent is. This was unheard of at the time. I knew my perpetrators, and above all else, I always wanted an admission of wrongdoing and an apology. At least when she went after him in the civil case, they kept it out of the spotlight, and settled. They could have played blame the victim round two, but they chose not to. That's not to say this didn't benefit Kobe as well, but his statement and apology let me believe there was consideration for the victim in these choices as well. 

Kobe changed. He created his on court persona to handle the athletic and public aspects of his life, and returned to church in his private life. He understood his inability to control his power and adulation earlier, and took steps to see that it didn't happen again. He started whittling away at his Karmic debt he had created. He opened up sports programs for underprivileged youth. He backed women's sports. He had four daughters. He had to live with the fact that each one of them faced inequality in the world, and abuse at the hands of men just like himself, much less the serial perpetrators out there. While supporting her aspirations, he knew in his heart that even if his daughter became pro- his daughter would not have the opportunities he was shown as a male. He knows that as each daughter grows older, they'll find out about his transgressions as well. That's quite a price to pay in itself. 

I've often wondered how my attackers coped over the years. They knew my family, so I had to come face to face with at least one of them for years after the incident. I was 12, they were 17-18. To my knowledge, none of them ever participated in another such event. The one most closely tied to my family went to college, married and had two daughters. Karma caught up to him. His girls were little when he took ill. He couldn't work, and his wife supported him until their daughters were grown and on their own. Then she left him to have a life for herself. How much of his illness was because he held in guilt and negative feelings? I know of many who claim that trauma or negativity has harmed their health. Of course I'll never know what was guilt, what was Karma. It's not my business to know. It's his Karmic debt not mine. I don't worry about other's debts-mortgages, car loans, etc. Karmic debt is no different. I'm not owed personally, it is the Universe/Karma that is owed. Whether the debt is repaid here on Earth or in the hereafter is not up to me, nor is it my cross to bear. Making it my worry only adds to my burdens unnecessarily. How someone treats you is their Karma. How you react is yours. I am actually friends with one of his grown daughters. No, I haven't told her. Never will. It's not about protecting him or avoiding the feelings roused by talking about the past. I simply do not want to be the kind of person who would put that kind of unnecessary burden on someone else. I don't want or need that kind of Karmic debt. 

To err is human, to forgive Divine. This doesn't mean that you are spiritual or holy for forgiving. Forgiveness doesn't mean what was done was right or ok, or that we have to be friendly or in contact with those who have harmed us. It means we let go. Letting go means we control our lives instead of letting the past be in control-that is the divinity. How many people have we hurt because we were once hurt? How many have we not trusted? We are human, and made our own mistakes. We can't undo what we've done. None of us. Not all rapists are monsters. Some are people who made the mistake once, and like their victims, will carry the baggage of that mistake the rest of their lives.

We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. -Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

I guess we can forgive Brett Kavanaugh too. He was a drunk and sexual predator, but he turned his life around and became a Supreme Court Justice. 

@elaineg

I am not aware of Bret Kavanaugh admitting he did anything wrong, nor am I aware of him asking forgiveness, making amends and changing his ways.  I see no indication he has attempted to turn his life around.  I believe he continued the pain of his rape victim by how he treated her during his confirmation hearing.

2 young men both committed a similar horrible crime.  It is how they chose to deal with the ramifications of their actions that I choose to focus on.  Kobe transformed into a butterfly fluttering in the sun, helping  flowers bloom and bringing some beauty to the world.    Kavanaugh became  a brown ugly moth who comes out at only night annoying the heck out of you as it attacks whatever light source it can find.  Mouth Kavanaugh makes young children fearful and cry, they run away.  Butterfly Kobe brought them joy and some light.  I am not saying Kobe became a saint.  I am saying he took stalk of his life and worked hard to bring light to the world..

So many regular everyday people have come out with stories about how Kobe would go visit children in the hospitals of the cities he was playing in.  Visit  children without out press, without an entourage of people.  He would quietly go in and quietly leave.  The visits would transform the patients and families.  He focused on them, nothing else.  He wanted to help these kids, help with medical bills bring joy and ease burdens .  It wasn't about the media.  It was the child and the family.  

@cindy

Once again, your beautiful words inspire me.  Thank you.

@cindy

I had to read then re-read your post Cindy. What happened to you was life changing and I'm so sorry it happened. And they say, as you point out, it's not just what happens to us, it's how we react to it. You have lots of strength and forgiveness in you to have reacted the way you did. I'm so in awe of your words and what you said. Thank you for sharing your story.

A heart full of forgiveness is also a heart that is full.

? ? ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ 

@cindy 

My heart is filled to bursting and beyond at the absolute magnitude of forgiveness, mercy and grace you carry in the most amazing energy of your connection to the great heart beyond our understanding. 

We are blessed to know you and be taught by the power of your teachings.