@deetoo - It's *possible* it's allergies, but I went through several years of allergies shots years ago (one of the best decisions I ever made!) and now hardly ever have to take allergy medicine. And I had severe allergies, too. At any rate, my knees have begun to ache (eek), so I'm thinking allergies are not the culprit. Oddly enough, I had this same exact thing two weeks ago. I'm taking my temperature quite neurotically, and so far nothing to mention there. Knock on wood!
Re: the gut, I take a daily probiotic and I swear by it. I take the Garden of Life brand, which is available on amazon. I have some gut issues (irritable bowel being the most problematic) and the probiotic (along with a magnesium supplement) has cured much of my anxious "bubble gut" haha
Physically all is well here thus far. The problem is mental health. No one is stir crazy or taking the lockdown hard, but I'm sick of the mental stress involved. Parents always worry about their kids and being a foster parent makes that amplified some. I am just sick and tired of truly worrying about my family 24/7 these days. I'm really ready for it to end but know it wont be happening anytime soon.
Maybe this is a space for everyone to vent their anxiety but i guess I want to add a counter and also say it makes me a little uncomfortable to admit how much I love being quarantined.
I am so grateful for the opportunity I have to spend with my girls and teach them, and take walks and read to them. I'm working from home but I don't feel the rush to finish bedtime routines so I have time to meditate and relax because after all tomorrow we can have a slow morning. I feel like it's been a great opportunity to be mindful- which I've always tried to do, but now without a set schedule I am doing it.
What a nice thread. I appreciate the check ins with everybody.
My man is an essential employee. Sent him off with a sandwich and bleach wipes to disinfect his car after each drive.
The high anxiety has settled into a hope for health. Every day that passes without illness, and every day that things are closed, gives me hope. instead of griping and bemoaning the changes, I welcome them. Each closure keeps me and mine safer. Each person self isolating is saving lives.
I am doing a decent job distracting myself. I am also trying to limit my intake of news as it is all scary.
Sending love and light to you all. I've been MIA. I'm physically ok, but things here have been rough. It started with a dream. Judging by my notifications and how old most of them are, it must be a month ago or more by now. I dreamed that dad was killed in a car crash. That's how I knew my sister's number was up. I had dreams of her death weeks before she passed. Both dreams involved out of control crashes (car and plane), meaning I can do nothing to stop it. In this one, I was in the car, but was thrown clear prior to the crash. Dad was still in rehab for his fractured hip at this point. Mom was home with me and was declining rapidly. I had a cruise scheduled for this week, and I had been to a local nursing facility in early February to arrange respite care, so I could go on the much needed vacation. I had talked to the administrators while doing so, and they realized that I was in a tough spot-trying to place one person in a home is difficult enough, but I had two with differing needs that I wanted to keep together. Neither would do well separately. Dad only had two days left in rehab, and by then mom was getting to the point where she was pretty much bed ridden here at the house. Even with a wheel chair, it was getting dicey taking care of her. Long story short (that would be novel for me-right? And yes-pun intended), since mom can no longer walk, she didn't have to go in a memory care unit. Out of the blue, the home that committed to respite care was going to discharge two patients within a matter of days, and they could rearrange their current residents to get me a double occupancy room. I've looked for over half a year with no luck. I got them placed almost two weeks ago, and not even 36 hours passed before the home went on lock down. So, I haven't been able to visit, but they're together. Dad had been told of mom's decline, but he's taking it hard actually seeing it. I'm sure he didn't believe me when I'd tell him during visits or calls (classic narcissist). I hear the stress in his voice when we talk. Doc at the home told dad flat out at the end of last week she believes mom is starting to fail. My dreams and cards tell me dad will go first.
I've kept myself from the news and social media. I had enough stress on my plate. I know what's coming, I just don't know when. I have lots of guilt, which is normal, and there have been many tears. I'm not turning a blind eye to what is going on in the world, just insulating myself in my home as there's not much I can do about any of it at this point but to let go and let God. I haven't checked my investment balances to know if I have a chance at retiring, or to know how long I can remain at home without working. My car seems to have a major issue, and since I've not worked in 18 months because of taking care of my parents, there's no way to get a new one. I'm not going to sweat the small stuff-and yes, that is finally in my small stuff column.
I had a friend who recommended a foreign tv series to me. I've gone down that rabbit hole more times than I want to admit. It was funny, corny at times, formulaic at others, and the love story at the heart of it touched me deeply. One of the main characters was so relatable to me because of the family issues she dealt with. On about the third viewing of the series there was one particular scene where the female lead was describing how several years prior she didn't want to die, but she didn't want to live either. She had spent her life loving people who couldn't show her love in return. Back then she needed consolation, and to hear someone tell her she needed to live, to go on and be happy. As the character paused during this monologue, Monica's voice chimed loud and clear in with a simple two words- "Live, Mom." To say I broke into the ugly cry would be an understatement. That beautiful girl always did have a great sense of timing. She knew what it took to take in abusive individuals and care for them in spite of their dysfunction. She knew what toll it would take on me-mentally, physically, and financially. Unlike her verbose mother, she told me in two words to ride out the storm, and all will be well for me-even if I didn't feel that for myself just yet.
So, I'm going to continue to wait out the storm, be ok in my solitude. I'll work on the house putting it back in order as I can-there's guilt involved in removing evidence of my parents living here, or dealing with their things. I'll eventually get to the point where I sleep through the night again. Or meditate again. In the end, it will be ok. I will be ok. I'll continue to watch the blooming show as often as I want to enjoy watching others discover love and overcome issues to do so because it reinforces my feelings of hopefulness. I'll watch old movies (love The Man Who Came To Dinner), comedies that have been recommended, love stories, Pride and Prejudice or Downton Abbey. I'll work in the gardens. I'll do what soothes my soul. As should the rest of you.
It's ok to take care of yourselves, and not carry the weight of the world on your shoulders for a bit. Our own little corners of the world are heavy enough to bear on their own sometimes. Taking care of ourselves means when this starts to wind down, we can help others. When you listen to the directions of the flight attendants, they tell you that in case of emergency to put your oxygen mask on first so you can then help others. This is no different. Take care of yourselves first, then we can help others.
Big hugs and lots of love to all of you who have been able to keep sending light and love to all out in the world during these times.
I have been doing some cleaning and spending some time with my little man. I have been having anxiety, but with reassurance that everything is going to be ok and that we are safe it has given me hope. We are so close to finalizing our house, it took us a while to find one, but this one kept calling to me. I felt at peace just people there. My fiance still has to go back and forth to the prison, but they are taking allot of percussions there from what he shares with me. I just want to say thank you Jeanne for starting this amazing community, y'all have been my saving grace for the last few years ?
Hello, my friends,
I just finished watching the 2018 documentary about Fred Rogers, “Won’t You Be My Neighbor.” If you have an opportunity, I would encourage you to see it. Incredibly moving and inspiring.
Here are some of Fred’s words, prescient for our times:
What is essential in life is invisible to the eye.
The only thing that changes the world is love that can be shared.
Take the gauntlet and make goodness attractive to this next millennial.
We are called to be repairers of creation.
God bless you, @cindy. God bless and protect all of you and your loved ones. I am holding all of you in the light.
❤️ ❤️ ❤️
I love this so much! You have found the good in a challenging situation and that is the true blessing.
Yes, this isolation may well save our own lives and the lives of those we love. And yes it will become more challenging in time.
So we truly all need to see the blessing, find the flow of grace and gratitude and with each other and our own individual families and friends we can weather this topsy turvy upside down world and greet a better horizon each and every new day.
Love that your love of your girls is so great and so wonderful. Its already gotten you through so many other challenges and given you the strength to still reach out to help others.
Love is so much more powerful than fear. And you find love in so many lovely and creative ways too. Keep on keeping on Jaidy!
?
Just exploring that very idea with my man. Fred Rogers birthday was March 20th. He was such an amazing child advocate and is a personal hero.
Oh sweet Cindy.... holding space for you!!!! How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time!!!! In this midst of all of these endings and beginning... remember... to love and be kind to yourself...do what you need to do for yourself to keep breathing, to keep getting up and taking those steps one at time...focus on what you can to center/care for yourself and know that you are doing the best you can do with what you have to do it with....stop beating yourself up please... you are such a lovely soul.. Your Monica is right... it's time to forgive yourself for any you are judging yourself for... and.. to fill your own cup. I feel there is great love for you... you are very supported by the Other Side.... look for the ordinary miracles..that fill our lives each day....bigger ones are on the way.
What a beautiful story. The connection you have with your daughter is so pure. I am so very sorry for your loss.
Today is quiet for me, spending most of my time turning the storage room into a my makeshift study room. Had a nice chat with my friend from Kentucky and actually managed to do some pantings after a long hiatus. It's due to my depression and anxiety that occured since the bushfires. I guess that quietness and rest is well needed.
Yesterday was like hell for me though. Melbourne is on the verge of lockdown on that day, so I've ended up running around like a banshee, trying to get my letter to someone before it's too late. It's painful to go through CBD in person, as not only life in the city is dying, but seeing the few people out in the streets looking dab, grey and gloomy. It's very hard to imagine how 2019 was a different era in a mere short distence of time. Last year, CBD is full of music and colourful attires from people who wander about, a different contrast to now.
What pains me the most is walking through the court district and going inside the Supreme Court building. In a different time, you hear the clatter of footsteps and the soft fluttering from the blacken robes flying in the air, as barristers roll in large travel cases across the road. Now it's quiet and lifeless. The old court building itself, became something different, where the old attic musk is gone, replaced by the strong disinfectant. The security gaurds themselves are usually cordial, where we usually exchanged our plesantries, are now grim and serious as they have warlike look.
They are nice, but it's a tense time, where everyone is too focus on their work. While I've managed to get the letter in safe hands, I still feel awful for some reason as I walked out of the court. Not even a slight feeling of relief.
Later on, I picked up the news that the person who I was trying to send a message to, has a son who goes to the same school that is now being hit by the virus. I was shocked and devistated. I've vented to my friend this morning, saying that if anything happens to her and/or her family, I'll be calling out those idiotic politicians and cheerleaders on my ****list, the ones who downed played the seriousness of this epidemic, as a murderer and all the other things I would scream under the sun before I do something drastic. This is the first time in the long while I could not control my anger.
I'm sorry about my rant. I wish I had some good news, but it's hard when something has been hitting too close to home. Especially to a woman who has done lots of good in the past. I don't think she really deserves this.
Well, I now have a dry cough. Still have the sore throat and a little bit of aches in my knees, but thankfully no fever. Still have my sense of taste and smell, so that's good. Praying that this is just a cold.
@sistermoon, just to be sure, please consider that it may be mild Covid-19 and quarantine yourself. Sending healing light your way, but please take care of yourself.
@sistermoon, hoping you are feeling better tonight.
Ok,
Judging by the "needing support" thread, it was a difficult day for many of in our community.
I am reminded of the Thoth Wheel of Fortune tarot card. We are all on the wheel right now. Some may have a tighter grip than others, some are upside-down, others right side up. But we are all on it and it is certainly spinning.
You know that dizzy feeling you get after twirling round and round for awhile? Well, that is us right now. Some of us have been "sheltering in place" for a number of days now. Some are on a modified lockdown. Some are still free to roam the streets and eat inside restaurants and get their hair done. Some must still go into work. But our world has already changed and how we live is different than it was just a few weeks ago. There are new constraints in our lives to put it mildly. Simply using the bathroom isn't simple anymore.
Some of us are getting low on food and will need to make another grocery run and venture into the battle zone soon. Others are thinking " how much do I need that cup of coffee, or milk or carton of eggs? When we do go to the store, we must adjust our shopping list because some of our "must have" items are no longer available.
At some point in time, we are all going to feel the affects of running in constant adrenaline mode. Moving through our day in a heightened state of awareness is stressful.
Do what you can to bring joy into your life.
Go outside or open a window and listen to the sounds. Are children laughing next door? What are the birds singing? Can you feel the breeze upon your face? Feel the sunward your hand? Smell the food that is baking?
FaceTime/Skype family and friends. If you are living alone, make sure you actually speak to someone each day by phone, use your voice to interact. You need to connect with a voice, not just your computer.
Do something for someone else. Write a thank your card for your local grocery workers. Read an inspiring book. Teach your dog a new trick. Sing songs.
Breathe.
You matter. Your thoughts, your fears, your challenges, your dreams, your disappointments, your joys, your sorrows, your happiness, your passions, your successes, your inspirations. They all matter. They are part of you and they matter.
You matter.
Hang in there. We are in this together.
When you rise in the morning, before you get out of bed, be grateful for being able to greet the day. Make a point of doing something positive with each day you have been given. They are gifts, these days in the time of the great slowdown. Make them meaningful.
Hi everyone. So I will update you on my symptoms - still no fever, and I still have my sense of taste and smell. Counting these as wins. The general achiness seems to be gone (my knees have been bad for the past two days - I always get achey knees whenever I'm sick with anything).
Still have the sore throat (oddly - it's moving: On Monday it was the left side of my throat, yesterday it was both sides, and today it's the right side. Not sure I've ever had anything quite like that!). Unfortunately, the dry cough is still here and seems to be getting worse. It's bearable though, and the tightness in my chest is gone.
I have been self-isolating and have not left the house since March 15, so I'm not so worried about spreading this to anyone else, but I am worried about my kids. They are 6 and 8 and I can't just shut myself up in a room all day -- my husband still goes to work at the hospital, where, for now, he's essential. For all I know, I got whatever it is from him -- and if so, the kids have already been exposed.
I feel so guilty that for the past few days, the kids have been shut up in their playroom playing video games and watching stupid shows. They're loving it, of course, but I keep seeing all these people doing great activities with their kids, making use of this time at home, and all I can do is lie on the sofa like a beached whale while they rot their brains in the other room. I'm trying to be patient with myself but the guilt is still there. Thankfully, our school district doesn't start distance learning until March 30, so they aren't missing educational time - I hope I'm better by then so I can help them get that going.
I am hoping today is a better day - in many ways, cough notwithstanding, I do feel better. I still think it's likely this is just a cold (and if this is a mild case of COVID I will count myself lucky it's not worse). I am taking a good deal of supplements, so they are probably what's keeping this from getting worse, whatever it is.
The one positive is that I have been cleaning out my DVR and catching up on allll my trashy reality shows. I generally only watch tv when folding laundry, so it feels luxurious to just lie on the sofa and watch tv.
Thank you everyone for checking in - I appreciate all of you :)
Thanks for that post. It's a really nice post, a good reminder about the things that matter within the chaos at the moment.
It does feels like the spokes of the wheel are turning at times. I certainly do feel it in a way. Apprantly we're edging towards the Age of Aquarius, I've heard. While I do believe that eventually that the new era would be more nicer, the transition is quite painful to be frank. I hope there's a good reason why we're dealing with this pain at the moment.
Well, I'm going to have a long week, as I'm rushing to hand in things on time. I know that I should look beyond the everday petty rush, but I need to create things where I could at least see that there's something to look forward too in the future.
Stay safe. We're all in this together.