I hope I'm not unloading on everybody but I am struggling lately with feelings of pessimism, fear, anxiety, grief and sadness about everything that is going on. It feels like a bad dream, and although I initially had feelings this would pass (and that "T" would pass) I'm not so sure anymore. It's depressing to think of what this country has come to. Also, I am supposed to return to work June 1st and am terrified to go (I don't drive so I take the bus, and it's always full of people not wearing PPE or masks) and so contemplating taking time off from work for half a year.
Big shout out and virtual hug to you for sharing these very well feelings being felt by so many at this time.
June 1st sounds very, very near doesn't it especially for riding a public bus. So many factors to consider especially if the public transport in your area isn't really up to speed with thorough antiseptic cleanings every few hours as many are doing or using really great social distance requirements for standing in line, sitting far apart or absolutely requiring masks.
However if you're in an area where there wasn't any cases or very few cases it changes the mathematical probability but not the anxiety or fear ones.
Are you on unemployment insurance? That can be extended of course. So overall trust your feelings. And its good to share here and be heard by others.
Whatever you decide prayers and positive energies being absolutely sent your way!
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I just adore you ?Michele?
Hi everyone, I usually lurk and follow the predictions/posts of others, mostly because I have great difficulty putting my thoughts and feelings into words. I’ve been really struggling lately not only because of the suffering I’m seeing everywhere, but because I’m not seeing a reprieve from this horror anytime soon. My family and I have so far avoided catching COVID (as far as we know), but most recently I’ve come to realize that the reason we’re in lockdown (I’m in upstate NY) is not to prevent us from getting this virus, but simply to prevent health care systems from being overwhelmed (which I completely understand). What wasn’t sinking in before was the fact that 60 to 70 percent of us are expected to get this thing, and there doesn’t seem to be a damned thing we can do about it. I’m terrified that I will get it or my husband will (he’s convinced that he won’t survive if he does) or my 2 year old daughter, and I can’t stand the thought, but somehow we have to prepare ourselves for the very strong likelihood that we’ll be contracting this horrible virus?! I also keep hearing that in 6 months our economic crisis will be so much worse than it is already. I’ve been feeling so vulnerable starting a new job right when this lockdown began, and I just keep losing hope that I will be able to keep my job or even my life. I know I should probably stay away from the news; I know the federal government is useless at best and malignant at worst, and although I had hopes of the orange menace and his cronies being taken down well before November, I’m no longer sure. He always seems to survive, somehow. I know our state is starting to reopen and I just feel this sense of dread...Anyway, this probably reads as a lot of selfish verbal vomit, but I feel like I need to put it out there (I hope nothing I’m saying causes any offense).
Your feelings don't seem selfish to me at all. In fact, I believe many in this community feel as you do.
We want to come out the other end of this pandemic "ok". We want to survive, have good health, an income, food on the table, all those things. AND we want to live (not simply survive) while doing so. We are afraid and trying to deal with all of the "what ifs".
You also have a young daughter and so your thoughts are likely going to her, her health, her future and the impact this crisis will have down the line.
None of that is selfish.
By sharing your fears and your thoughts, you are doing a loving thing for your psyche. You are helping it be heard, to heal, to be understood. W
We understand. We care about you.
Don't lose hope.
Hope is a beautiful thing. It keeps us moving through darkness, it is creative, it is a balm to the soul, it allows us to see beyond. Hope is the light in the lighthouse on a stormy day, guiding you home, guiding you through the darkest of times.
If you can, join our Wednesday evening meditations. Everyone who comes seems to feel a gentle calming afterward. We help heal each other and try to help heal the greater world. It is filled with love and kindness.
Here lately I get trapped in my own mind and start getting the case of "what ifs" that causes my depression and anxiety to hit my like a bus, but then I feel this calming,light surround me and whisper " Everything will be ok, you just need to breathe and relax. All will be revealed in do time." I feel the love everyone is sending outwards and I try to hold onto it as tightly as I can. Thank you all
I just adore you ?Michele?
Stargazer...Oh my goodness! The loving, caring, energy just blasted me into outerspace. Nicest dearest sweetest comment. ?
...but then I feel this calming,light surround me and whisper " Everything will be ok, you just need to breathe and relax. All will be revealed in do time." I feel the love everyone is sending outwards and I try to hold onto it as tightly as I can.
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! YES!
Oh i am so delighted for you!.This is how you do it and this is how you pass your love and teachings on to your precious son! ?
I'm not doing so great this week. Here in San Diego we are in "Phase 2" of the state's reopening plan. Long story short, as usual, there's NO enforcement of anything. Bars and beaches are packed, as are the Air BnB properties in my neighborhood. Less mask wearing than ever. I hate people.
A bee landed on my bike while I was waiting for my train at the station today. It's the most fluffest working bee that I've ever seen, it's probably a European breed since Australian native bees are very different and sometimes very blue and out-of-this-world sorts. I would immediately feed some sugar bits from my jam dounuts if it weren't for the fact that we're still in a pandemic, so I can't make a mess, plus my train was arriving very soon. So I had no choice but to shoo it. She kept coming back to land on my bike for a few moments before she finally took off, back to her hive hopefully
A shame really. I really like to help. ?
As for my wellbeing in general. Well things are still rough, but I'm recovering a fair bit now, much better than last month, where I felt the walls are closing in tightly around me. Being able to reach out to other people certainly helps, especially when the uncertainty is still around.
I'm about to go into the next step of counseling, which is going to be much difficult because this time is about delving back into the past and trying find closure and acceptence more or less, since she told me that trying to erasing it won't work considering my track record. Instead she's helping me to find strength from it. Sounds very difficult and emotionally charged from the looks of it, but it's for the best, since I know there will be many days ahead where it can get sour, so I need to find a way to weather such storms and all.
Restrictions are easing up on my end in Victoria, including face to face schooling and my university is now considering getting some of it's classes to have a face to face sessions on campus. I'm pretty uneasy about it, but we'll see.
Courtrooms are still closed to the public at this time, unsurprisingly.
I just hope I could get some things down, like finding love and friendship within this darkness, despite the horrid storms of the pandemic. It's a tall order I reckon, but I can try and hope I suppose.
@laura-f, I can feel and understand your disgust and anger. You spend months sheltering at home, and for what? Here in Virginia Gov. Northam has just announced that Northern Virginia can begin reopening with Phase I this Friday, adding "just because you can open doesn’t mean that you have to open.” (If you just heard a big, noisy blast, that was my head exploding.)
Meanwhile, this past Friday the coronavirus task force singled out Northern VA as having some of the worst infection rates in the country. The raw numbers continued to climb over the Memorial Day weekend.
Northam has now instituted a mandatory mask-wearing policy (until now it's been "recommended"), but he violated that policy over the weekend when he was photographed without a mask as he mingled with visitors in Virginia Beach. He said he wasn't prepared, because his mask was in the car. Northam said he takes full responsibility for his actions and should be held accountable. And this guy is a physician.
Hello, my friend. You were on my mind today so I'm checking in to see how you're doing. I'm sending you a big hug. ?
How are you today and how can we help you?