If you need support, understanding, and love, let us know here.

@triciact

I am beginning to think that I will just keep using the ambien. I don't think the tiny amount I am on is going to give me any more side effects. By letting this go maybe I will get to the place where I no longer need it. Focusing on it so much makes me feel like a failure and once that Pandora's box gets opeened I am back in the past , where I can't change anything.

So for now, I am just going to take it. I have dropped other addictive meds before. It has been suggested to me that something else might get prescribed that works. 

All i know is I trust my new doctor and my boyfriend held my hand when I cried today about it and told me, "You are not alone." Just like you did. When you hear something twice it means you have to listen.

Thanks for reaching out. this too shall pass. Keep the Faith. Stay in today. That's my best advice, to me and to you. 

@ghandigirl

I tried a few before Designs for Health Cannabis FS 300 hemp oil finally helped me. 
land definitely no caffeine after 2.

Anita

@ghandigirl, I held back from responding to your post because I've never been on sleep meds (I tried one and didn't like the side effects, so I was afraid to try another).  But my gut feeling was what you just expressed, i.e. let your concern about the Ambien go for now.   You're going through significant changes in your life, which I imagine is quite taxing on your body.  So it's even more important that you get proper sleep.   Since I have a history of insomnia, I know how lack of sleep can affect everything -- your moods/emotions, cognitive skills, physical health.   I was on clonazepam for a few years, until I was able to wean off.  In an earlier post I'd mentioned the oddball combination that currently works for me.  It's not perfect, but it helps most of the time.    It was a lot of trial and error to get there.  

I am glad that you have a supportive boyfriend and doctor, as well as the support of this community.  And yes -- you are not alone, my friend.

@ghandigirl

If you decide the Ambien is not right for you, I have had very good success using a CBD/THC combo essential oil with an 18:1 ratio (18 CBD: 1 THC), and in dire straits a 4:1 oil. 1mL is enough to calm me down and/or knock me out. And the only caffeine I use regularly is in the form of green tea, and even that never after 4pm.

I'm actually allergic to caffeine after having cdiff many years ago. I don't drink soda,coffee, or tea so it never mattered much and only used to eat chocolate. I realized though that the chocolate probably triggered insomnia in the past. so no chocolate for me anymore. 

Thanks for all the suggestions. When I am feeling less anxious I may check them out. 

I wanted to share a Godwink here. I have been really depressed the last few days. Lost in the forest, so I talked to my (deceased ) dad. In the past he has shown me roses in a couple of different ways, once being predicted by a medium.  I have not talked to him since becoming medicated in April, as I feel my psychic abilities are walled off now a bit. I don't believe in spirit the way I once did. I thought I saw his ghost but I was on the wrong meds and had a prolonged psychotic episode and was, I believe, hallucinating. But I talked to him anyway yesterday and asked him to show me a rose this weekend if he was there. And then forgot all about it. 

We went shopping today and found a bargain discount store. It  was our last stop and  our last outing of the weekend. We hadn't noticed this particular store the last two weekends we were out. When  we walked in there were at least six bouquets of different colored roses. Then I remembered asking my dad to show me a rose this weekend. As we left I imagined him saying, "You are not alone." His photo came up in my fb memories yesterday too, one of the last I ever took of him before he passed.

@laura-f

What is this: CBD/THC, and the oil? I sometimes  need a little help.

Posted by: @elaineg

@laura-f

What is this: CBD/THC, and the oil? I sometimes  need a little help.

CBD is Cannabidiol, THC (forget the long name) is the psychoactive component, both derived from hemp and marijuana. They come in many forms: smokeable, vapeable, edible and sub-lingual. The oils are sublingual, come in a dropper bottle so you can easily adjust dosage.

You can get plain CBD oil online, I like Charlotte's Web brand. For CBD/THC (or just THC) you have to live in a state with either medical or recreational marijuana access. CA is recreational, so I can literally just walk into a store with my photo i.d. and buy whatever. I rely on the salespeople to guide me, they usually know what's what.

@elaineg

Some people think it’s marijuana. I think THC is. But CBD is from hemp. There might also be cbd from mj as well.

@laura-f

Anita

OK, thanks all.

Hi @ghandigirl

I feel part of your insomnia comes from not being able to stay grounded at night.  Because you are psychic you are highly sensitive to external energy flows that come with the phases of the moon as well as various other astrological events.  A racing mind and an amped up buzz in my body are two symptoms I've noticed when I start to get ungrounded.  Here are a few things you may want to try, to see if they help:

Before going to bed, ground yourself by lying on the floor (sitting is also ok, but the more body contact the better) focus on your heartbeat or breath, in order to center, and then feel your body merge with the ground.  You can also visualize sending red light to your root chakra. Do this until you feel you have calmed.

In order to help stay grounded while you sleep, try wearing something made from earth materials; metal, stone, etc.  Skin contact is optimum, so a ring or bracelet is best.

And finally, food can have a very big impact on maintaining groundedness:

Root vegetables: beets, potatoes, carrots, onions, garlic, tumeric, ginger, etc

Fermented and preserved foods: Yogurt, cheese, kombucha, pickled vegies, wine, beer, vinegar, bread, dried fruits, soy sauce

Red foods: beets, tomatoes, berries, chiles, etc 

Earth's recyclers: Mushrooms, shellfish

Minerals: salt, calcium, magnesium, potassium, etc

BTW, pickeled red beets are like a super trifecta of grounding power, lol.

Hope this helps

I feel there is something going on in the collective. I've been feeling really weird since the impeachment trial vote - a roller coaster of emotions that don't belong to me or any situation. It's been very strange and very intense. I've never had it be this strong before. I wish I could find away to block it out or flush it out of my mind and body because it's making it really hard to concentrate on important tasks like work. Maybe the collective is realizing things are really wrong with the state of world right now. 

Fun fact here about pickled beets.  I love beets, both pickled and regular, but everyone in my family hates them.  So I never serve them, BUT, I just found them in the store in four ounce single-serve cups, which I usually try to avoid for environmental reasons.  However, no wasted beets.  Aunt Nellie's brand.  Four to a pack.  Really good!

@Wow Frank- thanks!

I am touched that you spent time on trying to help me. 

also that you believe I am still psychic. :)

@ghandigirl

I hope you feel better soon. I think you should do whatever helps. I had a terrible panic-induced insomnia spell in December and was prescribed Trazadone, which helped me get back on track. I also started listening to these things called "sleepcasts" using an app called Headspace. They are very vrey calm, descriptive stories about things like a lazy lagoon, rainy day antique shop, quiet beaches, nighttime mountain, narrated by calm, quiet, slow voices. I find them immensely comforting, and when I was still waking in the middle of the night, I popped in some headphones and listened to those sleepcasts to go back to sleep. They also incorporate some visualization and meditation that helped calm me. I highly recommend the App (which is also a meditation app). Not sleeping can make you go crazy, and makes things seem so much worse. If the ambien is working, keep taking it! and know you're not alone, and good luck.

Hi, guys.  It's been awhile, but I am dealing with a moral dilemma and I could really use some advice to put it into perspective.

As many of you know, Rush Limbaugh, a conservative radio host, announced he had advanced lung cancer today.

What is bothering me is my reaction to the news.  I feel...nothing.

Normally, when I hear that someone got cancer, my immediate reactions are sympathy, despair for that person's suffering, and a desire to reach out to them and share my own stories of cancer survival.

But today...I feel nothing.

I have tried to pray.  To remind myself to let light in and remember that we are not the monsters that the Trump supporters paint us.  But I struggle to feel sympathy for a man who, for all intents and purposes, have spent over thirty years stirring up hatred against anyone who was not a gun toting, Bible thumping, environment hating fanatic.  When I hear him on the radio, he is always yelling and insulting people.

I recall when he made fun of Michael J. Fox for "shaking."  I remember when he made comments about Ruth Ginsberg's cancer.  I remember all the times he attacked anyone who was not a conservative and hinted that an uprising was needed to "save the country." I recall when he made comments about how second hand smoke never killed anyone.

Don't get me wrong.  I do not rejoice that he has cancer.  How can I, when so many of my loved ones have had cancer?  But will I miss him if he leaves his career behind to get treatment?  No.  Do I think the world is better off while he is getting treatment (and hopefully gaining new perspective on the sufferings of people he laughed about in the past) while the radio is free is his hate-filled rhetoric?  Absolutely.

I don't want Limbaugh to die.  I would rather he live and watch Trump's regime get destroyed (and Limbaugh's career and rhetoric with it).  But I cannot find it in my heart to feel bad for him, no matter how hard I try.  

What is so ironic about the situation is the conservatives' reactions to this.  Years ago, if someone got cancer, people would crucify anyone who spoke out against that person.  Everyone would be encouraged to pray for that person, no matter their politics.  And now...I have seen conservatives cry and liberals rejoice in the news.  The Trumpers are screaming that the liberals are evil, that they don't care, that it is because they support abortion, etc. etc.  The liberals point out that the Trumpers did not speak up for all the people that Limbaugh has mocked over the years, that Limbaugh brought it on himself and karma has come to get him, etc., etc.

And yet...the liberals are right about the fact that the Trumpers started the cruelty and made it acceptable in our society.  I can't recall a "liberal" host making fun of someone who had a disease. But I recall acts of cruelty and harassment from conservative hosts (Laura Ingram, Rush Limbaugh, Alex Jones, etc.)  It is true that the Trumpers are quick to be cruel to others and yet demand that everyone else be kind to them.  Is it right?  NO!  Is it understandable?  Yes.  

But is it the answer?  By experiencing the cruelty and abuse that they have treated others for so long finally give Trumpers an understanding that their rhetoric will not only cause suffering to their victims, but eventually to themselves as well?  Or will nothing (kindness or cruelty) make them embrace the light?  I truly don't know.

But today a young liberal girl gave an answer that truly brought chills to my spine.  When a Trump was asking her why she was being a hypocrite and not being "kind," she responded "we cannot afford to be kind in the world you (Trumpers) created."

I fear she is correct.  By the constant abuse, hate, hypocrisy, and corruptions that the conservatives and Trump have unleashed over the last few years, many people no longer believe kindness is the answer.  

Is this the world we are doomed to live in?  Worse, have I lost the light because I cannot feel anything (bad or good), for a man who has made it his life's work to spread division, hatred, and cruelty in the name of "conservatism"?  

Any comments, thoughts, or even criticism would be appreciated.  Even if you want to post on how wrong I am for feeling the way I feel.  I am not trying to justify it (indeed, I am troubled by it), so any perspective would be helpful.

Hi @allyn. You have not lost the Light. Nor CAN you lose the Light, because you ARE the Light.  The real Allyn, your soul, is nothing but pure Love/Light (as is the real Rush Limbaugh).  However, the Allyn that is a product of this earthly dimension, we'll call it your ego, has immersed himself so far into this reality that you are forgetting the Truth.  It's OK.  It's likely exactly the experience you wanted.  I think of this reality as kind of a VR video game for our souls.  We determine the kind of person we're going to be  (our avatar/ego) and the experiences we're going to have in order to learn the lessons that we want to learn.  Then our guides make sure we stay on the path we've chosen.  I sense that this is a crucial juncture for you with soul lessons that you have signed up to learn.  (Spoiler Alert: our soul lessons almost always have to do with finding our way back to unconditional Love).  I think the goal for you here is to find compassion for Rush, who, as a beautiful soul of pure Love/Light, has gotten so far immersed into the "game" that he has completely forgotten who he is (if you think about it, that's a really sad state of affairs to be in). The path for this is to go inward and rediscover the True Allyn, a being of pure Love.  A good place to start is with Jeanne's loving kindness meditation.

Hello dear community, I could use some support right now on several fronts.

1) I have written before about the struggles our girls have had with school. They are doing much better this year and we are moving past old patterns, but some of those old patterns are back this week. My younger daughter caught a cold (we fortunately had been very healthy for the last 2 months) and is a bit miserable, but not terribly sick. However, she is avoiding doing anything for school, though she has some stuff to catch up on. My older daughter is home today as well. The old patterns are where I get frustrated with them both and start lecturing and they pull away, etc. Please send some light that we can all just let that go and move forward in a positive way from here, get back on track, etc.

2) My husband has his performance review at work today. Again - old fears and patterns resurfacing. His prior 2 reviews were difficult due to a variety of factors, but a big chunk is the negative dynamic he had with his boss. He has a different supervisor now who is much better and the review should go well, but the old boss still has a hand in the conference call today, so my husband is anxious. Please send any support/light/calm that you can for him today.

3) Finally, my brother-in-law is facing the process of getting in line for a possible kidney transplant in the future due to polycystic kidney disease that has progressed. He is extremely anxious (understandably) and so any calm, light, love you can send to him and his wife and the whole family would be appreciated. 

That is a lot :) But strangely this week, I could "feel" some stuff coming on -- I would get out of bed and just take a deep breath, kind of anticipating the old patterns resurfacing. It feels less oppressive than in the past, because we are starting to move past it, but I get concerned that we are taking backward steps. Please send the light that we need to get over this "hump" and not fall back into those patterns. 

Thanks to you all for any support! Sending what light and love I can for everyone who is struggling right now.

@allyn

That's the way I feel. I know I should feel sorry for him, but I don't. It's like he has reaped what he has sowed.

@allyn Thank you for your honest post. Thank you for putting it here where we can weigh in on this important subject.  You have expressed I am sure what so many feel, what I have felt many times.  

My answer to why you feel nothing, no compassion for the man, is that you do not feel safe to feel those things.  You work on the battlefields every day, dear friend.  You can't afford to feel for him.  

But it isn't that you are an unkind, uncaring person.  

It is that you need a break from the battle and a lot of self care to get back in touch with your whole heart.  You might snap back to me with, "What? I'm fine, thank you very much!"  And I'd say, yes you are fine because you are in a protection suit that has enabled you to continue being the bright, fast acting warrior that you are.

 But that protection suit of armor that so many of us wear when dealing with abusers, also numbs us to our deepest selves. It throws the baby out with the bathwater, the baby being our deepest soul selves.  We love those we love,  but we dare not feel anything for the bullies or we will also feel the horrible pain they have inflicted.  I dare guess that when we plug back into our whole hearts, the part that can feel compassion even for Rush, we will also find a brighter stronger love for all beings, a love we had not felt since childhood.

So Allyn, I know you are soft inside and have a loving heart. I also read in your post that you feel justified for feeling nothing for Rush.  Yes it is justified!  But it hurts YOU not to feel compassion for someone who is facing suffering and death.  We are ALL connected, like it or not.  So we have to cut off a part of our Selves in order to feel nothing when someone suffers.  

My long time teacher Joanna Macy spoke of how we will become true heart warriors in order to heal this world. That we can only turn it around with our hearts. 

I could not understand how I could ever become the heart warrior that Macy and her Tibetan teachers described because my Taurus nature gets fierce when I am in danger or when bullies are around.

But i see that the  path to remaining in my heartself while battling the dark bullies is to take really good care of myself.  Put huge boundaries around me and don't let those bullies in.  Step away from the news if it gets too much under my skin.  Immerse yourself with friendships and love and a massage. 

P.S. Now I expect some of our fiercer light warriors will disagree and tell you to go on numbing out because Rush has been such a bad guy.  That's okay.  We do what we need to do to stay sane.  

@allyn

I had an initial reaction in myself of "Oh he's so awful, why should I feel sorry for him?", then my higher self said "Yes you should, but it's ok because you don't wish him harm"  So I had a moral dilemma in my mind too. I do not wish him any harm, nor suffering and death. And yes, I too hope he's around to see the destruction of his ways, but perhaps he will in another life, not my decision.

Your reaction is human and normal. We all have these thoughts, but we also have checks and balances on them within us. (something I wish the GOP and T would have). The way the division is affecting people to take the low road is making me very sad. Sad that people are attacking one another for differences in opinions, and also throwing away kindness.

In a previous thread you told some T supporters who were saying awful things about liberals that you would fight back - that they would too and not to underestimate folks who are liberals that they would fight back if attacked too.  I admired what you said to those people because you used your brain and clever mind to make them think.

You are a lovely, strong and fearless light worker. The very fact you wrote what you did questioning your own feelings and thoughts because you didn't have what you thought was an angelic reaction says more than you realize. ?