Light workers on Earth as a Character in a Novel  

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(@pacosurfer)
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10/16/2019 6:46 pm  

What happens if a character in a novel realizes she is a character in a novel? 

This is how I am feeling about being an empath and lightworker on this planet.

The writer/reader knows the story will end; the characters are just living their lives. However, I know this world is fictitious; I know it's an illusion. It's a shadow of the real world, whether that's the spirit world or another planet that I'm from.

So what happens when a character in a novel realizes they are only on page 35 in a 600-page book? How do they continue to "willingly suspend the belief" they are in the novel? 

Another analogy: We've all heard stories about people in treacherous situations where a guardian angel comes out of nowhere to help, then quickly disappears. So my question is: What does the angel do when they aren't saving lives? Is there an angel poker group? Do they have a angel crochet club? What does the character do when they aren't on the page, while waiting for the last paragraph to occur?

I've never really found something that brings me joy; I just spend my life getting through the day so I can come home and be by myself to read or watch cartoons or sleep or just chill and recover from the day and prepare for the next. If I'm 41, and I live on this planet until I'm 80, I still have half a book to get through. What do I do in the meantime?

I read somewhere that, as a light worker and volunteer here on Earth, my only job is to be around people, to spread my light; And that's the very last thing I want to do, be around people. 

Of course, I'm willing to concede that I'm just full of pseudo-philosophical bullshit, and I'm simply depressed. And I'm sure that's a part of it; But what do I do in the meantime?


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(@laura-f)
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10/17/2019 1:32 am  

Maybe you need to step away from the light worker portion of the program. If it's not bringing you joy, don't do it.  I can say I've never found a profession that brought me joy. Avocations, yes, but actual work? No.

I recently read a philosophical discussion, maybe even on here somewhere, I can't remember. Basically, it said that that in order to be happy in what you do you have to stop trying to find what it is that doing will make you happy.

You don't have to be around people to do heart warrior stuff. Look at all of us here - many have anxieties and or are isolated and depressed. Do what you can, when you can, as it suits your needs. Don't worry about everyone else.  Even a 5 minute meditation will help you and anyone else you care to think about while meditating.

As for the depression, well, that's biochemical as much as psychological. Make sure you're eating properly, look into vitamins and supplements that might help (let me know if you want a list, but I posted a similar one on the "If you need support" thread in the last couple of days). If sitting home and watching cartoons or reading a book calms you and makes you feel better, go for it, it harms no one. And maybe consider some talk therapy. There are even online therapists now that are very affordable. One example is Talk Space

Do you have any pets? If not, maybe rescuing a pet to keep you company might help. Maybe you need an emotional support animal.

And lastly, know that those of us with our gifts and skills do suffer more because we are naturally more compassionate and empathetic. You're not alone.

Big hugs and peace to you.


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(@lovendures)
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10/17/2019 5:59 am  

@pacosurfer

What I know as fact pales in comparison to what I "think" I might know.  It is a grain of sand on a beach really.  And what I "think" I might know pales in comparison to what I realize I "know" I don't know.  

Are you sure what you "know" to be fact is indeed  a fact?  I have come in contact with many people who "know" something as a absolute truth, yet they all "know" different things regarding that same truth.  

Laura shared some wise information with you.  Take it in.

May I add these few thoughts.

If you are a character who is  on page 30 of a 600 page book, imagine the possibilities?  Your story is unfinished.  The rest of your story is still unwritten.  If you are bored, make it more interesting.  If your life feels dark to you, find something to be grateful for each day. One conscious  thought of gratitude can make way for another.

Hate shopping at the grocery store?  Try this next time you go. Buy a Sunday newspaper and take out the coupon section for grocery items. Cut each one out, keeping the ones you might use for yourself.  Then, with the rest that are left, take them with you to the market and place each one on the product that the coupon is good for.  As you do the placing, imagine the surprise as someone who wants to buy that item unexpectedly finds a coupon for it.  

Yes, imagine it.  

Perhaps it will save them enough money to buy an extra piece of produce? Perhaps they can now actually buy a product they have wanted to try. Perhaps they will be filled with gratitude.  Perhaps it will inspire more random acts of kindness. Perhaps a person will be inspired to  make a donation to a charity that inspires them.  Perhaps it will make your shopping more bearable because your are imagining how your random acts kindness can make a positive change instead of worrying about the people you might encounter.  Imagine if you can make a small difference and that difference causes a ripple effect.  

Now you have created all sorts of possibilities in your book that has 570 pages left to be written.  

And, if angels are indeed playing poker, imagine what a lively discussion they will be having as they watch you cutting out coupons and placing those coupons for unknown people to discover.

( And I hope you understand, it doesn't need to be coupons, paint some rocks and put them in a children's park area if you want.  It is your book, you get to write it)

 

 

 

 


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(@cindy)
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10/17/2019 7:56 am  

@pacosurfer, my first thought was of a movie where this was the exact premise. A delightful British comedy called Lost in Austen. The main character Amanda loves Pride and Prejudice, knows the book forward and backward, and suddenly finds herself switching lives with Elizabeth Bennett. A fun three hours spent if one is a fan of Austen. 

I know there are other lists of what can be done to help with depression like nutrition and exercise, but one commonly overlooked aid is smiling. It has been shown that even forced smiles trigger the same brain chemicals that are released when one smiles from external stimulation. They are tied into the muscle reflexes. 

Remember that as a light-worker, you don't have to actually deal face to face with others to have an impact. Artists, writers, actors, and all sorts of other people have great impacts on large numbers of individuals whom they'll never meet. They let their light shine through their work. Random acts of kindness are other ways of spreading light. If you like crocheting or knitting, make baby blankets and take them to the local hospital to be given to newborns, or lap blankets to take to a local nursing home. Write a blog, volunteer behind the scenes somewhere like a local shelter (homeless  or animal), meals on wheels, or at a local school helping children who need tutoring. Volunteers typically are not energy vampires-they tend to be more emphatic, so if it's behind the scenes, you'll be with others who are like minded. Go buy food, socks or other inexpensive items and distribute them to the homeless or needy. Many people are alone while they work or create, but if their works are based in light they then spread light onto so many other lives when that work is shared, whether it be by publishing writing or art, donating anonymously somewhere, etc. 

What if you aren't crafty or the volunteer type? Meditate or pray for others. That's still sending out light and love in the world to those who need it, even if you aren't surrounded by others while doing it.  Giving is giving-no matter the form. 


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(@jeanne-mayell)
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10/17/2019 10:24 am  
Posted by: @pacosurfer I just spend my life getting through the day so I can come home and be by myself to read or watch cartoons or sleep or just chill and recover from the day and prepare for the next. If I'm 41, and I live on this planet until I'm 80, I still have half a book to get through. What do I do in the meantime?

Sounds like you are taking care of yourself when you come home and read and chill and watch cartoons. Self care helps you feel better;  and anything you do to find some peace helps the world.

I once had a wise teacher of great light, Henri Nouwen, a priest, professor, author of 39 books, who I later learned was profoundly depressed much of his life.  He taught briefly at Harvard Divinity School but rumor had it that he was forced out by inferior colleagues.  Nouwen told us privately that he believed that the Tibetan monks sitting in meditation in the Himalayas were having a profound effect on helping the rest of the world, just via their meditation. I can't understate the impact this man had on my life in the brief time I knew him.  Yet there he was so deeply depressed.  

So working on yourself, engaging in your own self care, laughing at cartoons, helps others. It helps anyone related to you. It helps your co-workers, and it helps the world around you. 


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(@bright-opal)
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10/17/2019 10:33 pm  

@pacosurfer I once saved someone's life.  How you ask?  I smiled at them.  I didn't know them, I never saw them again, yet I saved their lives because I smiled at them.  

I heard someone on the radio share his story about depression.  He told the story about how he was on his way to a bridge, high suspended bridge, and was seriously thinking of jumping off.  He said what stopped him from doing it was a stranger in the street who smiled at him.  Since then, I try to smile whenever I see someone, because I might be saving someone's life, or at the very least make their day.  Every time someone returns my smile, it makes me feel amazing because their smiles made my day.

I once asked my mother what it was nun did.  She said their mission was to help people, to help the poors.  I asked her what about the cloistered nuns, they aren't helping anyone.  She said they help most of all by praying for the world.  There is this nun my mom goes to every now and then and request her help for prayers.  I think she has a batphone connected directly to God's office, I swear.  

When I was hospitalized for depression, the psychiatrist said it was because I didn't have a social circle, I wasn't sociable enough.  Are you kidding me?!?!  Everyday I was managing between 40 and 50 people, talking to them all the time, meeting with them one on one, coaching them, helping them, my co-workers and my friends.  Amd I loved every minutes of it.  But once I got home, the last thing I needed was more people around me, they are "energy vampires".  So I threw him out of the room and requested a new psychiatrist.  I got the appropriate treatment and got a life back.

My entourage keep telling me to make more of an effort to meet people.  I keep telling them social settings drain me of all my energy.  Although I spend most of my time at home, it doesn't mean I do nothing.  I help and contribute to society in my own way.  

I am writing a novvel, and I'm the main character.  Each chapter is my own, however boring or exciting it might seem to others.  What matters is that I decide what I want it to be.  It took a lot of therapy to get here and it is still a challenge.  We all need to find what it is that make us feel good.  Because what makes us feel good is often what we are meant to be, meant to do.  

So if reading a book is what makes you feel good, then read it, because you will use it in the near future to help someone.  If watching cartoons make you feel good then watch them, you will learn something from them.  It is up to you to find what is right for you.  I hope participating to this forum is one of the things you enjoy and makes you feel good, because you bring us all a lot of good.

So my suggestion to you would be this: take some time off trying to find the meaning of life and what you are here to do.  When you do something you feel good doing, when you do something that seems right to you, that is what you are here to do.  And deep down, you know what those things are, you just need to take the time to meditate on you to have a better understanding of you.  Trust yourself.

I hope this helps.  I know writing it helped me a lot.  Trust yourself because you inner compast is a good one, it is sound.


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(@pacosurfer)
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10/18/2019 8:06 pm  

Thank you everyone for your responses.

I know, in the large scheme of things, this isn't really a big deal; I know we are dealing with a terrible government, people are losing their loved ones to death, etc...but these are the issues I deal with.

I think I realized what my true issue is. I have severe social anxiety, and probably PTSD, from being mistreated in school. I'm 41, and this was over 25 years ago, but it still greatly affects me. I think my brain has been changed due to it.

As a result, I don't go out. Yes, I get tired due to two jobs and fibromyalgia. However, this past week, I went on a chocolate walk with some co-workers, and I also did pub trivia with other co-workers. And while my brain was constantly looking for threats of people looking at me oddly, or someone making a comment about "being in the wrong bathroom," it was so fun to be around other people enjoying themselves. Lots of laughter and good food.

I have to remind myself that I belong on this planet, and I deserve to enjoy it while I'm here. There is always a chance that someone will say something rude to me, but nothing is to stop me from standing up for myself. I deserve to be here, too. Even if my clothes come from Goodwill/Walmart, or I'm fat, or I look like a guy.

It made me happy to be around other people, and I'll deny ever saying that. I still need a lot of alone time. But it really helped me.


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(@bright-opal)
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10/18/2019 9:21 pm  

You know, somwtimes we are telling ourselves there are people in worst situation than us, there are people suffering worst than us, etc.  It doesn't make our pain less real, it is real and there, it's what we do about it that counts.  Also, what we do with it. 

I'm glad you had fun with friends.   I'm glad you know you are worth it, you deserve the best that life has to offer and you are beauiful!

PS: there is nothing wrong with clothes from Goodwill.  Very often, those are quality clothes worn only aa few times.  😎   As far as walmart goes, they have George designer clothes!   😉    


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(@kerry)
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10/18/2019 10:50 pm  

@jeanne-mayell

Thank you for bringing up Henri Nouwen, he was a mystic of great vision. My partner and I went to Union Seminary in NYC and were friends with Dorothy Soelle, a German feminist theologian writing in the shadow of the Shoah, who wrote, among other amazing books, The Silent Cry: Mysticism and Resistance -- which is what I see happening here.  I read this site often and it gives me hope that light, spirituality and progressive action are possible, though sometimes it does look like confirmation bias -- I really do hope not.  I so pray hope send light that this era comes to an end as so many have seen the signs, because there is so much to do after that.

I was in Manila when Martial law was declared and there again when Marcos was brought down. It took more decades (and now Duterte) to try reconstruct some of the destroyed institutions that were already problematic. And after Marcos was kicked out the wide spectrum of allies dissolved and fought with each other We have to be careful too about how to pray and focus on a longer flow of reconstruction and revelation, as I also see here.

 


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(@coyote)
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10/19/2019 10:18 am  

@pacosurfer

Well, quite a bit of synchronicity has been going on between the two of us this past week. I just returned from a retreat in a beautiful rural location with 45 other colleagues at the environmental service organization where I work. Because of nerve damage from neurofibromatosis, I'm partially deaf and have bad balance (the hearing nerve is closely related to the balance nerves), and I've spent the past 6 years too seduced by my health challenges to really connect with people. But  at the retreat I had the most fun I've had in a looooong time, and that was just from talking and laughing along with so many people (while also sharing delicious meals). I started out constantly looking for threats in the form of physical situations that would cause me to fall over and embarrass myself or loud group gatherings where I would have difficulty engaging in conversation. But after about half a day I let go and found out that almost everyone was happy to talk with me even if I was constantly asking them to repeat what they just said. I also did trip over once on a tuft of grass when we were outdoors, but I made a joke out of the incident, and it was a huge reward to see people laughing along with me.

At the urging of Jeanne and some others on this forum, for the past week I've been doing guided loving kindness meditations and repeating positive affirmations when I look in the mirror, and I believe that's where my change in attitude came from. Yes, we deserve belonging and friendship, and now I feel quite silly for thinking otherwise for so many years. Because if we don't seek out those pleasures in life for ourselves, the darkness and loneliness grow stronger for the entire collective. So I'm ready to be front and center with my inner light instead of lingering along the edges. I'm hoping you can continue to have fun like you did this past week and find ways to share your light as well, Pacosurfer.  


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(@cindy)
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10/19/2019 11:07 am  
Posted by: @coyote

 

At the urging of Jeanne and some others on this forum, for the past week I've been doing guided loving kindness meditations and repeating positive affirmations when I look in the mirror, and I believe that's where my change in attitude came from. Yes, we deserve belonging and friendship, and now I feel quite silly for thinking otherwise for so many years. Because if we don't seek out those pleasures in life for ourselves, the darkness and loneliness grow stronger for the entire collective. So I'm ready to be front and center with my inner light instead of lingering along the edges. I'm hoping you can continue to have fun like you did this past week and find ways to share your light as well, Pacosurfer.  

THIS.

This is why I'm Pollyanna in spite of all I've been through. This is why I stick to the vision I saw of Trump in prison stripes. This is the reason I hear news of economic downfalls, and I think, nah. When I dwelled in what I've dealt with in life-deaths, abuse, being a rape survivor, etc., I got more bad things in my wake. I used to joke that Murphy was an optimist (Murphy's law-if something can go wrong it will). 

When we continually put out negative thoughts, that's what we get back. Negative results. I don't care if you call them angels, guides, God, the universe-what you think of most is what you get. Think negatively and that's what 'they' think you want to experience. All of us can break the patterns of thinking negatively, and begin thinking in a more positive manner. 

About two years ago, my financial adviser and I sat down to talk and plan. After the crash of 2008, like most everyone else who invested in the markets, I lost half of my life savings. I wasn't set up to take such a loss. But I listened. When I watched Eat, Pray, Love, I heard a little voice say "that's for you" when the prophet in Bali told Julia Roberts early in the film, she'd lose all her money, but she'd get it back later. The tarot and my gut told me things would rebound for me. I found myself blurting out to my son that something big would come to me one day. I held on to that belief. I haven't gotten what I lost back, so to speak, but my adviser was amazed that with my finances set up to utilize money from my savings on a monthly basis, math said that I'd drain my accounts, yet I hadn't. Ten years later, they were still holding at the 2008 level. I haven't gotten back what I had, but he said he was curious why I had always told him it would be ok, we'd just keep going as planned before the crash. I told him I continually prayed, and my dreams would then tell me to stay the course, things would be ok. He was amazed at my faith. He was amazed at my bottom line-it hadn't eroded further. I'm still waiting for the return of what I lost, but if I had thought negatively about my situation, that's what I would have produced. 

The situation itself doesn't matter-social awkwardness, finances, jobs, love life, etc. What you think of most is what you'll get. Sure, we sometimes get things thrown at us we didn't think of or expect that will fly in the face of positive thinking. Some of that is in our life contract before we came. Some have it in there that they'll deal with loss, leadership, poverty, abuse, etc. Those lessons we can't avoid. Or we agreed to the situation, not because we needed the lesson, but to teach someone else their lesson. We many not always have control of the situation, but we can control our attitudes towards those obstacles. 

Just a reminder, watch how you pray or meditate. After I was divorced eons ago, I prayed for ages to have an unconditional love come into my life. I waited and waited-years went by, and it didn't seem to be coming. One day after saying my prayers, my three dogs all joined me on the bed. Then I got it. My prayers had been answered. I had three dogs-all of whom knew nothing but unconditional love for me. Here I was thinking a romantic pairing, but my prayers were for unconditional love-and that had been sent-just in a form I didn't initially recognize. I didn't really want or need the third dog, it was just and uncontrollable urge I had when I saw a news story about abandoned puppies that needed homes. I stopped saying that particular prayer before I became one of those over the top pet people. We sometimes are so busy thinking we know in what form and shape our prayers and wishes will be fulfilled that we miss the fact entirely that they may have been granted in a form we're overlooking. 

As Dr. Wayne Dyer used to say "You'll see it when you believe it."


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(@pacosurfer)
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10/19/2019 11:59 am  

Yes, we deserve belonging and friendship, and now I feel quite silly for thinking otherwise for so many years. Because if we don't seek out those pleasures in life for ourselves, the darkness and loneliness grow stronger for the entire collective. So I'm ready to be front and center with my inner light instead of lingering along the edges. I'm hoping you can continue to have fun like you did this past week and find ways to share your light as well, Pacosurfer.  --@Coyote

 

Just a reminder, watch how you pray or meditate. After I was divorced eons ago, I prayed for ages to have an unconditional love come into my life. I waited and waited-years went by, and it didn't seem to be coming. One day after saying my prayers, my three dogs all joined me on the bed. Then I got it. My prayers had been answered. I had three dogs-all of whom knew nothing but unconditional love for me. Here I was thinking a romantic pairing, but my prayers were for unconditional love-and that had been sent-just in a form I didn't initially recognize. I didn't really want or need the third dog, it was just and uncontrollable urge I had when I saw a news story about abandoned puppies that needed homes. I stopped saying that particular prayer before I became one of those over the top pet people. We sometimes are so busy thinking we know in what form and shape our prayers and wishes will be fulfilled that we miss the fact entirely that they may have been granted in a form we're overlooking. 

As Dr. Wayne Dyer used to say "You'll see it when you believe it." --@Cindy

I was thinking when I was at the pub trivia event, "I want to stay here more." And I didn't necessarily mean the event, but on Earth.

Last year, I had a reading with Jeanne. My doctors found a pancreatic tumor, and I thought that meant cancer (and you know the success rate of pancreatic cancer). I was terrified that I had cancer. I asked Jeanne, "Why am I so afraid? I don't like this planet. I don't belong here. I'm tired. Why am I so scared of dying?"

And Jeanne replied, "Because you don't want to leave yet."

And when I was at the trivia event, the fact that a thought popped into my head that said, "I want to stay here" meant that Jeanne was right; It's so easy for me to isolate myself, get dragged down into the muck of negativity of this planet, play the victim role. "Woe is me, I'm an empath...I hate it here, blah blah blah." But I am here, and if I am indeed a light worker, then I need to be around people. No, I don't have to be a social butterfly; I still need lots of recharging time...but that's my reason to be here. 

I remember thinking at the socializing I did this past week..."Wow, I'm so surprised how nice and kind everyone was! They thanked me for coming. They were so glad people came out to support their events."

It's so weird that I get so surprised when people are nice to me! But they are.

Luckily, the tumor is benign. The doctor said that with cat scan imaging getting more sophisticated, they are finding tons of people with these non-cancerous tumors in the pancreas. So I just have to watch it, and perhaps possibly have surgery.

So I think I do need to socialize more, but I can be very selective; I'm thinking charity events, non-profit fundraisers, arts, etc...would be good places to start. Being a librarian is also good, because the community college I work at often have cool events. One of my fellow librarians says the community college is a great place, because we are "all broken there." Meaning we are all just trying to do and be better, work on our goals, learn new things, etc...

I want to thank everyone for their responses. I do say that when I left the social events, I'm glad i was leaving, but I'm also very glad I went! And I'd like to slowly get more involved in other of the events they hold.

 

 

 


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(@jeanne-mayell)
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10/19/2019 12:38 pm  
Posted by: @pacosurfer

I want to thank everyone for their responses. 

And I want to thank YOU for having the courage to post the truth of what you are feeling and allow that part of you that is in each of us to see the light of day. 


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(@jeanne-mayell)
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10/19/2019 12:51 pm  
Posted by: @cindy
 
THIS.

This is why I'm Pollyanna in spite of all I've been through. This is why I stick to the vision I saw of Trump in prison stripes. This is the reason I hear news of economic downfalls, and I think, nah. When I dwelled in what I've dealt with in life-deaths, abuse, being a rape survivor, etc., I got more bad things in my wake. I used to joke that Murphy was an optimist (Murphy's law-if something can go wrong it will). 

When we continually put out negative thoughts, that's what we get back. Negative results. I don't care if you call them angels, guides, God, the universe-what you think of most is what you get. Think negatively and that's what 'they' think you want to experience. All of us can break the patterns of thinking negatively, and begin thinking in a more positive manner. 

Cindy I keep learning from you. Thank you. Today I find myself going through the many statements made by Elijah Cummings. I especially remembered how he handled a contentious argument between North Carolina Republican Mark Meadows and Rashita Tlaib who called out what she considered a racist narrative by Meadows. Cummings was tough with Meadows who he said was a friend, and made it clear he was in charge of moderating that debate. Yet he assumed the best intentions of each individual.  He also asked Tlaib if she wanted to rephrase her statement. He chose to see goodness in each of them and he settled the issue. Cummings handling begins at minute 4  https://splinternews.com/show-me-the-lie-1832942344


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(@laura-f)
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10/19/2019 5:29 pm  

This thread is just so inspiring.

That is all.

LOVE and PEACE


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(@coyote)
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10/19/2019 10:15 pm  

@bright-opal

Bright Opal. Your post resonated with me on so many levels: as someone who has been hospitalized for depression; as someone who once rode a train into New York City just so I  could jump off of the George Washington Bridge when I was at my darkest day of despair (I never made it to the bridge, and I'm sure angels prevented me from doing so); and as someone who is finally on an upward swing of self-determination. I first read your post when I was returning from the retreat I mentioned above. The retreat was one long multi-day spiritual experience, and reading your words capped the entire thing off: I was in a car with three of my colleagues, and I was in tears. You made me think of all of the beautiful, exhilarating experiences I have left in my life, and they are open to me because, yes, I am the author of my own novel, constantly seeking my heart's desires.

@Laura-f. is right, this thread is radiating with love. And that's all thanks to you, @pacosurfer.


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(@laura-f)
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10/20/2019 1:06 am  

@Coyote - the only thing that kept me from jumping off the GWB in my younger days was the traffic on the Cross Bronx. Ba-Da-Boom... I'm here all week 🤪 

 


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(@michele-b-here-in-the-forum)
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10/20/2019 4:29 pm  

@pacosurfer

"One of my fellow librarians says the community college is a great place, because we are "all broken there." 

Dearest Pacosurfer, Coyote, Lovendures, Bluebelle, Jeanne,  Laura F, Cindy (short term memory loss from rarely sleeping) thus I add--and every single other person who reads this or here in this site:

A beautiful and loving discussion by all with so much understanding, acceptance,  and compassionate energies extended--inside and out. Just gotta love love love you guys!

When I am exhausted and trust me people who know me in "real/reel" life think my energy is inexhaustible. That's only what I  project to the world and I exhibit in person. That's another secret we all carry.

Back when i was seeing energy  healing clients three days a week (all for free although some brought me flowers or a piece of pie 🥰--I always literally collapsed after each 3 hour total session. It took all I had in me--mind, body, intelligence, intuition and spirit-- to bring out the horrible angers, judgments,  self-hatred, and enormous fears they-zeach and every single one  of hundreds of people  carried. Ooof. No wonder we hurt and ache and are exhausted!

When an energy healing was over usually an hour and a half later of it (plus and hour and a half of visiting later to answer questions about what had just happened and why they left "walking on air".  They had all erupted with their dis-eases they carried.

They blurted out their deepest selves to me. Told me things theyd never told anyone else, shared deep deep pain. I accepted it all with compassion and loving energy. I knew their pain was simply my pain whether i knew it or not. I knew their judgment was my judgment whether i knew it or not. That's what's real. That's the connection we all share 

And for a few days, a week , maybe even 6 months, the ones who had been told they were dying soon were still alive.  The ones who hated their fathers,mothers, sisters, uncles, childhood babysitter or someone who had abandoned them, they had compassion for. It seemed like one miracle after another. I thought I was part of their miracle.  

But eventually the dying did die, the angry became angry again, the ones who were seeing a therapist, psychiatrist etc. still needed them.

They just kept walking and talking and things still happened. But boy of boy did we have fun! Visions and angels and stories and past lives and so much fun and laughter!

Doctors, lawyers, therapists, people of all religions and none; bravely coming to this little strangers house for they didn't know what. Knocking on her door with big smiles of anticipation and then being part of an experience they or I- barely believed had happened afterwards.😉🤣🤗

And me? I kept on helping more people, and more people and more people. Just as everyone here does and is doing. It goes on and on and on.

I learned that every single person that I knew, met or ever would meet was broken. Just like your "community college".

Some of us admitted our brokenness, overcame our fears and by giving and sharing and loving and sharing at every single person we met on ever single bridge (@brightopal 💞  We learned and learned and grew and blossomed.

And my energy gifts skyrocketed, my intuitions exploded,  my visions were mind boggling.  And none of it mattered. It was part of our fun. We were all having fun and experiences and feeling loved and appreciated and rewarded by others...just like here. 

And the magic and the miracle is always that when we cross that bridge of love, all those padlocks break open and fall off and then our gifts of spirit come pouring out and we are brave and loving and caring and giving and we know how to show gratitude even when we know that person is angry, or jealous, or gossipy, or mean-spirited about us. 

Every single person on this site is flawed. Every single person retreats to something when exhausted or a crack appears or a mirror is held up to our face. Whether it is pizza and cartoons, or constantly looking to someone or something else for the answers when all they do is tell us, show us, or share something about themselves that is also a part of ourselves.

Yes, Dorothy you already knew it, had it and could use it all along.

That's my favorite part of all!

The best thing is that yes, this is all an illusion, yes none of this is real( just a movie"reel") and even the very few who are truly where they need to be without needing someone else to mirror their truth, are still the same as everyone else in the maya of the illusion of everything.

We love you, we love each other and every single person here us still a student and still a teacher to someone else .

You are doing fabulously. Everyone. All of us. 

But oh, it feels so good to let all the crap out and see all of the cracks in all of our mirrors. 

And that's why most of us are still here.

Life is wonderful. Absolutely wonderful, except on the days when it isn't and then we rest 

💞💞💞💜💞💞💞

 

 

 

Love, light, and healing prayers,
💜 MIchele


Jeanne Mayell, Bright Opal, Lovendures and 3 people liked
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(@michele-b-here-in-the-forum)
Joined: 3 years ago
Posts: 1000
10/20/2019 7:34 pm  

@jeanne-mayell

I am reminded of this by Henri Nouwen:

“Our service will not be perceived as authentic,” Nouwen warns, “unless it comes from a heart wounded by the suffering about which we speak. Thus, nothing can be written about ministry without a deeper understanding of the ways in which ministers can make their own wounds available as a source of healing.” (The Wounded Healer, p. 4)

He suffered and suffered greatly but in that great and very deep suffering,  he did indeed help others.

Love, light, and healing prayers,
💜 MIchele


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(@pacosurfer)
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Joined: 2 years ago
Posts: 126
10/20/2019 8:07 pm  

I want to thank everyone here. When I first posted it, I was definitely in a victim-mode; I didn't mean for it to come off as depressing. But I'm so glad you all felt it was inspiring.

Today, I did two events--one was a 10-mile driving tour of a local state games land, and later this afternoon, I went to a free storytelling event featuring the work of Edgar Allan Poe. And even though it poured all day, I feel so good that I went out, and risked being seen by others. It's hard for me to sit in a crowd; I often get a headache, which can lead to slight panic attacks. But I always sit near the back. I can still enjoy myself and others, and still feel I can leave if need be. That may be my reality, but it's okay. At least I showed up. I need to keep showing up. I am looking at other events to attend. I'm a light worker (or else I wouldn't be on this forum), as we all are...but as long as I keep showing up, I will get better. And even though it rained all day, I didn't really feel sad. I felt wet, but not really sad.

Thank you for letting me vent. I don't feel as bad as I did at first. I didn't want to come across as super dopey...just honest.


Lilinoe, Lovendures, Coyote and 2 people liked
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