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(@anita)
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Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 253
 

@ghandigirl

Thank you so much.❤️


   
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(@anita)
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@thebeast

I will go Sunday to her flute thing, but I’m not tearing up that ticket! I am going to try harder to do more of what she wants, though. I’d sit home while she’d go to chorus every Wed and when she has gone to many places without me. I can’t give up the things, few as they are, that give me some joy. Growing up Catholic has meant many many sacrifices in my life trying to be a good person. But point taken. Thank you.


   
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(@michele-b)
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@deetoo

A truly truly loving post.  I could feel your heart surging out to ghandigirl and hers welcoming it. This is just how real caring reaches out.

Big loves and gentle hugs to both of you and now a big group hug  to all of you who are feeling ill or feeling the beginnings of something negative coming in. 

Surround yourselves with love and acceptance for whatever space you are in now and remember a better moment or a better day is just around the corner.

When we are depleted it can be so good and so healing to focus on ourselves and send simple caring hugs to others without overdoing our own  currently depleted energies. 

Sometimes we need to protect our selves from always giving never resting, always being on any and all media --including TV --listen to music that makes you happy instead and focusing only on happy, healing things. And focus only on positive topics or sharing positive experiences. 

I have really lovely moments of pure happiness during even really sad, hard or discouraging days when it seems like miracles are only one breath away. But I can feel a wall often of my own lacking of positive focus that symbolically or energetically has been created between me and my loved ones from that miracle. And sometimes even really challenging things serve a far greater purpose that our higher self understands but not our lower vibrational self. 

I allow myself to be ok with that and with myself and with the day.  And that acceptance with gratitude for the understandings is just what I needed to get through the smallest of emotional or physicslly sensitive challenges to the really really huge things that are happening in my life....past, present and future.

Love you all so much. May we all be better ?‍♀️??‍♀️??‍♀️ day by day in every way ?

 


   
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(@deetoo)
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@coyote, I’ve learned so much from you this past year, as you’ve shared your remarkable journey of self-discovery and healing.  I welcome hearing more of your story, whenever you are ready.   It’s an act of love, trust and courage to share so much of yourself with us.  Thank you.


   
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(@jeanne-mayell)
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@coyote

I look forward to reading your posts in however many installments you need it to be. 

@gandhigirl, and anyone who can't sleep, this may or may not help you, but there is a guided meditation audio tape on line by Jennifer Percy that works well for thousands of people, judging from the number of times it has been played. In the Insight Timer app which offers over 3,000 guided meditations, it was the number one most often played guided meditation. It is also helpful for learning mindful meditation, except that it is specifically geared towards sleep. You can find it here: https://www.doyogawithme.com/content/yoga-nidra-sleep.  

I usually fall asleep within five minutes but once I had some really bad insomnia and I had to play it through twice before I fell asleep. It's 25 minutes long. The method has also helped me calm down when I've needed to do so and find my center. It helps me get out of that monkey mind state that so often runs at night when we need to rest.


   
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(@bluebelle)
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@jeanne-mayell

I have used that Yoga Nidra meditation and it's wonderful.


   
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(@deetoo)
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@lovendures, Perhaps you accidentally referred to your daughter as "old" because she is an old soul?  ? Seriously, I sense that about her. 

By the way, I looked up Wish Garden -- sounds like they offer some excellent herbal products.  I'll probably order the Kiss Ass Immune, since I often need a boost to my system.  Plus I love the name.  Thanks for the recommendations.


   
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(@deetoo)
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@ghandigirl, your new doctor sounds like a wise, caring soul.  I sense that he speaks the truth.  Take it a day at a time, and keep the faith. ❤️ 


   
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(@coyote)
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Thanks everyone for the input. I will write down my story of depressions in the coming weeks. First as one big word document, and then I'll break it down into installations for the forum so that I can add a disclaimer about which posts will be the heaviest. I'm looking forward to letting everything I've stored up see the light of day.

@anita I don't know what your spiritual beliefs are now, so this advice may or may not be helpful. But do you ever talk to your spirit guides? And I mean going to a quiet space and actually talking out loud, as if you were confiding to a friend. Because when it's just you and your guides, there doesn't have to be any dogma or formality. Forget the severity of institutional Catholicism. Your spirit guides are ancient friends, and they want to hear what's burdening you so that they can help you. I've only started talking to my guides in the past year, and the process makes me feel less alone, less rudderless. Usually I have these conversations before I go to bed or when I'm alone outside in a natural setting, but also sometimes when I'm driving to work in the morning,

@ghandigirl I echo @deetoo. Your doctor sounds amazing. Just the fact that he wants to get to the emotional why of your symptoms indicates that he's a highly evolved medical practitioner. I'm glad you're beginning to feel better. 


   
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(@lovendures)
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@deetoo

She is definitely an old soul!  You nailed it for sure.

Let me know how  Kick -Ass works for you!  I love the name too!


   
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(@deetoo)
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When we are depleted it can be so good and so healing to focus on ourselves and send simple caring hugs to others without overdoing our own currently depleted energies. 

Sometimes we need to protect our selves from always giving never resting ...

 

@michele-b, I loved your post, especially as it relates to self acceptance and self care.   Your remarks, combined with how I am feeling physically, directly affected how I responded to a friend(?) who is an incessant talker and energy vampire.    

I just got off of a 2 hour phone call with her.  I was, once again, the supportive, patient, sensitive sounding board.  I was able to share about myself for about 5 minutes.  The "conversation" ended with her saying, "what time is it?  Oh, I've gotta go and get to my massage."  Something inside of me snapped.  I was angry, but I maintained my composure and told her exactly what I was feeling.  She responded with a number of defensive remarks.  She seemed almost resentful that I had, as she expressed it,  "mentioned this" to her once before. The fact is, these one-sided conversations occur with her almost every time we talk, which is maybe once every few months.  (There are only so many times I can excuse myself and go to the ladies room when I'm out at lunch with her.)  And it's often an energy dump, where she's not looking for solutions -- she just needs to vent. 

I know that a number of you have experienced what I am talking about.  We're sensitive; we want to help.  People are often drawn to us because of those traits.  But sometimes we really need to talk, only to find that, once again, we've put ourselves last.  We've put someone else's needs before our own.

What I have recently realized, quite painfully, is that because I have these weird, sometimes debilitating illnesses, I am somewhat isolated.  So many of my remaining female friendships are often one-sided.  I'm quite tough and can be pretty direct when warranted, but I put up with these friendships because of my isolation.  Don't misunderstand me -- I think some of my biggest strengths include my sensitivity to others, trying to bring out the best in people, and just being present to them.  I like that about me.  But those strengths can be a double-edged sword; I  put myself last too often.  

My husband, God bless him, does listen to me.   I am so grateful for that.  He can't believe it when I tell him what a doormat I was in my younger years.  He says that's never been his experience with me.   Yet when I have those moments of dismissing myself, I feel like that young woman, that doormat.  When I dismiss myself, others dismiss me.   

I hesitated sharing this with you, because I know that many in this community have complicated lives.  Many of you are raising children, some with special needs, or caretaking aging parents, or working or volunteering multiple jobs.  Living your lives with such grace.  Putting others' needs before your own.  Many of you have very little time left over to care for yourselves -- for that "me" time.  You don't have that luxury.

But I share this with you anyway, because I know many of you will understand.   We each have our path in life.  It's just nice to know that you're being heard, and that you matter.

 

 

 


   
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(@michele-b)
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@deetoo

This was absolutely wonderful, amazing and so sharing of your own voice and truth! 

There are many of us here who see, hear, and relate to what you are sharing. We've all been there, done and been that.

I'm pretty sure that there are even those who often feel like the word "Welcome' must be tattooed on their foreheads  or backs as they get used over and over as a repository of others emotions of negativity and having a bad day as an excuse to wipe their feet off and then walk on over other people's feelings.  

But your husband is right you are not a doormat as we know you now but a strong, caring, gracious and giving friend and we who know you know that. And of course you (and all of us) deserve that in return.

And  if you here have "one sided friendship" friends try to tell you off when you're exhausted and had enough far too often just politely tell them to wipe their claws elsewhere.  ?

Just as you so politely demonstrated you know how to do.

We just love you Deetoo ? And we're grateful you're here open heartedly sharing with all of us ?


   
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(@deetoo)
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@michele-b, thank you for your kind response.  You brought me to tears (the good stuff!) and made me laugh.  Don't you sometimes wish that our "Welcome" mats had a trap door?

I love all of you too.   


   
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(@triciact)
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@deetoo

Wow did that sound familiar to me!  I had a friend once who used to do the same thing. She was going through a tough divorce, plus she had SADs so in the winter she would expect me to run to her house (1/2 hr away) and just let her ramble on. She sometimes became so emotional and needy, yet she was actually a very nice gal. But the energy drain became too much for me and I ended up just gradually distancing myself from her. She eventually even married a man who only married her for his green card. I tried to warn her, but she wouldn't listen. Of course the truth came out after they married.  I hear she actually married again after him too. I wish her well.

Point being I get where you are coming from. If we aren't surrounded by a lot of friends sometimes we do put up with ones who aren't really best for us.  Additionally, we sensitive types attract folks who need us. I find the universe eventually closes the door when they have done too much of the emotional vampire thing though :)

I'm just glad we all have one another on this site. Godsend to be able to talk about this stuff to one another!


   
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(@ghandigirl)
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I don't want to be an energy vampire, I am having a rough night. My new doc is upping my main meds and I only just talked to him and must calm myself enough to start my sleep routine.  Changes in meds are hard for me usually.and I am tired and anxious from not having the new med work last night so he is dsicontinuing that med and upping the meds that do work.  Anxious about upping the dose, as a different professional didn't want to up the dosage. but hopeful to sleep, still allowed to use the sliver of ambien as I continue to wean off.  I can recognize that I am not doing as well as I was before and logically it makes sense to increase the dose, it is pretty low anyway. But my brain won't always give me a break. 

Just now though writing this to you my "psychic friends network", I felt a sense of calm as I imagined your supportive posts back to me. I know that you will all help me with your energy to feel calm and to keep healing.  I am remebering that I am safe. I am encouraged that my boyfriend woke up and was supportive. Really I shouldn't be afraid.  And now it is time to start my sleep routine...

 


   
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(@lovendures)
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@ghandigirl

May you have a restful and peaceful sleep and calm day tomorrow.


   
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(@triciact)
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@ghandigirl

I can also relate to needing sleep medications. I am here for you. Don't mistake my post about energy vampires meaning I/ we don't want to be hear for you/others. My husband brought me a sleep sound machine for Christmas and if you like I will post the link. I still need a half an ambien to sleep though -- but at least we are heading in the right direction :) 


   
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(@deetoo)
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@ghandigirl, I just saw your post this morning.  I do hope that you were able to eventually achieve some restful sleep.  I'm glad to hear that your boyfriend was supportive. 

I totally understand about your sensitivity to any change in your medications, as well as your anxiety about your sleep routine.  I experienced chronic insomnia for well over a decade, sometimes caused by medication, sometimes by hormonal changes, but most often by my sympathetic nervous system, and whatever may have set my crazy train in motion.  I was never able to take any prescribed sleep medication; even at the smallest dose, it made me too loopy.  I now take a sleep cocktail -- lots of magnesium, a small dose of beta blocker, 1/2 Benadryl, 200 mg. of l-theanine, and a white noise machine generally seems to work.  When that doesn't totally work (which has occurred more during the last 3 years), I either meditate, journal, or do the polyvagal exercise I mentioned in an earlier post.  During my worst nights I'd force myself to get up out of bed, go into the living room and read, sketch or color, or do some calming stretches.   For as exhausted as I felt, tossing and turning in bed would generally make things worse.

To reiterate what @TriciaCT stated, please do not mistake my remark about energy vampires to mean that I don't want to hear from you or others.  What I described in my earlier post was a complicated situation.  I never want you to feel reluctant to post.  We all love and support you here in this community.

❤️ ❤️ ❤️ 


   
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(@triciact)
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@deetoo (and @ghandigirl)

Thanks for reiterating that. I also had quite a complicated situation that lasted many years with that friend of mine too.

I wanted to post the machine my husband bought me for Christmas. I still have trouble falling asleep and I also take Magnesium, tart cherry capsules, and I'm still trying to find the right natural cocktail of sleep med (with or without melatonin, not sure yet). But here's the sleep machine:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01LY3BP8G/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1


   
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(@ghandigirl)
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Thanks everybody.

I was able to sleep but had a bad nightmare I can't remember. Woke up shouting, "No!" over and over. Thought I heard voices outside and lots of noises from upstairs  neighbors, but that may have been in my mind.  I've had auditory hallucinations in the past. I was scared...but maybe it was real. Neighbors have hung outside my window before near the trashcans to smoke and chat. The lawn crew sometimes comes in the middle of the night to mow the lawn or snowblow. Annoying!

I use a fan for white noise every night and did do the polyvagal exercise last night. Thanks for sending it.  It got me yawning and sleepy. I also tapped and said my main affirmation, "I invite the qualities of good sleep." and  thought about other affirmations, along with doing a breathing exercise.  Although I thought I wouldn't be able to, I did fall asleep well.

I have had insomnia off and on for at least 15 years. My dog used to wake up with me when I would panic. I miss that and  I miss him, especially at night. 

If I can't sleep within fifteen minutes I get out of bed and visit with the cat, drink warm milk, write to friends, or read this forum.

I feel much calmer this morning and a little hungover. I am believing that my new doc has got it right though. The anxiety has been high lately, although I have been able to change my thoughts pretty well with positive thinking. 

 


   
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