Thank you!
FYI, I meant older daughter, not old. She is only 23, not old at all. haha.
Umcka is (I believe) a homeopathic product which I LOVE. However, sometimes herbs work better. Gaia Herbs are wonderful. It is an excellent company! Wish Garden is a wonderful company also which sells small liquid herbal bottles for a multitude of ailments. I have met the owner and appreciate her values . She is very knowledgeable. One of my favorites is called Kiss Ass Immune. Another one is Get Over It! I know Sprouts carries them, I think Whole Foods does as well however Whole Foods no longer carries the depth of health and personal products in-store as they once did , before Amazon bought them. They assume everyone wants to buy these products online now. For me, when I am sick and need something NOW, I don't want to wait for it to come to my house in a few days. For that reason, I tend to try Sprouts first or if I see it at Whole Foods, I buy it in anticipation of needing it later.
Well you made me cry. Really appreciate what you wrote to me. Thank you. Feel terrible today physically... this was nice to see after a long day. Thank you to everyone who is holding me in the light. I sure need it.
I have meditated about you and your husband this afternoon, sending you warm light, healing energy and protection from illness. I hope you felt the warmth that saw as I thought about you both. Much love to you and swift recovery to your husband.
I'm familiar with the Gaia product, it contains many things I already take every day anyway, some of them Gaia brand too! I'm outright allergic to echinacea, and my body doesn't respond to elderberry, so tequila and pho for me!!
I take 10,000 units vitamin D3, and 1000mg zinc glycinate every day (among abuot 25 other things). Yet and still, this is the worst winter I've had in nearly 2 decades.
Many thanks to all of you for sending healing energy to my husband and me. My hubby is not coughing as much, which is a good sign.
@bluebelle, yes, I did feel the warmth -- literally! This afternoon I was feeling some chills and thought to myself "oh no!" My body began to warm up shortly after. Thank you!
@ghandigirl, I’m sorry that things were so physically hard for you today. Please let us know how things go tomorrow with your new doctor.
When you mentioned the pins and needles, I remembered that a good friend had a similar problem occur as she was weaning off clonazepam. Just an FYI. She is a sensitive soul and it was a slow process for her, but eventually she was able to regulate her body and achieve restful sleep.
Sending you love and prayers for a calm, peaceful night.
Had a good night's sleep...found some new affirmations and tried tapping my thumb and fingers. Relieved.
Two interesting things have happened. I used to find pennies all over my former house in odd places which I attributed to messages from spirit. Yesterday I found a penny not just in my shoe , but under the ped(sock) which covers my orthotics. so, INSIDE my shoe. How did it get there? Today the cat food spilled and as I was cleaning it up I found a ring with a pink stone I never saw before. The container has been empty several times and refilled, no ring that I saw. Yesterday I wore a different ring that was connected to my ex and wished for a different ring for myself.
And today, it appeared. Angels are trying to get my attention I think. Spirit is making it blatantly obvious!
Since being medicated I find that I am not as overtly connected psychically as I was. I had visions, and visitations, and a deep knowing. I still have flashes of intuition happening but now I feel skeptical. But yesterday I was so miserable physically that I spoke to my dad, and my dog, and G-d and asked for help. This ring on my finger makes me feel protected and connected and so deeply loved. I can't logically explain the penny or this ring. somebody up there loves me.
I completely understand. I don't know why but last Winter was the worst for me (thankfully I'm getting a break this Winter) I was sick from Jan-Early Feb then from late Feb till May. Plus I fell 3 times (down the stairs, then was hit by a car while in a bike pod, then on the ice on my back in a neck brace) Anyway, point is I just felt like I was being beaten up physically between accidents and illness for almost 6 mos. It was like I healed finally in October of this year. I betcha there were astrological indicators in my chart to show this and I wish I knew what they were lol. Hope you and your hubby feel great soon...sending some light and energy ?
@ghandigirl and ALL the moms here: My heart goes out to you. I'm praying for all of you and your children. This is such a rough time of year as it is with all the germs and the weather etc. Staying healthy is hard enough normally. Being a parent is not easy (I'm not one myself) and I admire all you wonderful moms. My heart is with you and sending everyone healing light and love. ❤️
@ghandigirl, I am happy to hear that your slept well last night. I've had my share of chronic insomnia, which can really debilitate your body, mind and spirit. It's amazing what a good night's rest can do.
I smiled as I read about the little spiritual gifts you discovered throughout your day. I loved your story, and immediately thought of @michele-b's Godlinks forum thread – all of those synchronistic events or messages we receive that help to direct, console, and uplift us.
I empathize with your struggles with anxiety, PTSD and depression. I’m glad that the tapping and affirmations worked well for you. I’m attaching a video of a simple exercise that can calm the sympathetic nervous system by stimulating the ventral branch of the vagus nerve. I received this from my physical therapist who does a lot of cranial/sacral therapy. The first time I tried it, I was having a major anxiety episode while trying to get to sleep, moving towards a panic attack. I was skeptical that this exercise would work and was surprised by how effective it was for me. I am now doing the exercise daily. If this resonates with you, perhaps it’s something you can add to your arsenal of coping mechanisms:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHBpHl0oebo
I agree with @bluebelle ’s belief that it is possible to heal yourself and your relationship with your daughter. Take it a day at a time. Above all, be kind to yourself.
And yes – somebody up there does love you – more some-bodies than you can imagine. And so do we in this community.
Thanks to @jeanne-mayell and a reply she left to my NDE post back in the fall, I know that my life is governed by cycles of 3. So I've been thinking, lately, about how all of the amazing changes that have been taking place for me in the past month are occurring exactly 3 years following the most abysmal period of my dark night of the soul (late December 2016 to early February 2017), when I was thinking about taking my life. Every. Single. Minute. I was also startled when I found out a few days ago that the next full moon (Snow Moon) falls on February 9th - 3 years to the day when I did try to take my life and finally ended up in the hospital (February 9th, 2017 was also the date of a lunar eclipse; fascinating).
I've come a long way since then. As I think about that period 3 years ago, though, I notice a heaviness, as if I haven't fully exorcised the spirit of my depression. Well, there are aspects - dimensions - about my dark night of the soul that I've never shared with anyone, and I think as long as I continue to hide those details, I will be holding myself back in certain ways from all of the healing energies that are now making themselves available to me.
So, how does this sound? I'm thinking I should write about my dark night of the soul here on this forum over the next few weeks, specifically on the "Now Everything Changes" thread I started earlier this month. Because the simple act of sharing a story with a community of belonging can transform a narrative of despair into a one of light. In order to cover all of the bases I need to cover, I think I'll have to spread the story across at least 2, but probably 3 (three!) long posts. Is this asking too much? Is it too solipsistic? I don't want to burden this community with my own previous darkness while so many of you are dealing with physical illness and mental health struggles as we trudge through this winter.
It sounds like you are really on an enlightened path right now. I am so happy for you. When you have written your story, perhaps consider sharing it with Jeanne first through email if you have concerns it may be too dark. She might have a good indication if posting it makes sense.
Otherwise, I think your thought on posting it in the thread you started is a good idea. You can always write a disclaimer so people don't accidentally read something to dark for their psyche. You are a wonderful writer and I would assume people would gain insight from your story.
I am smiling for you.
:D :D :D (3)
I hope you do share that story, for yourself, and for people like me that are struggling....and have struggled with depression most of my (our)lives.
Anita
I hope you will share your story because it will be uplifting to know how far you've come from the dark days of depression, how fully you are living your life and experiencing spirit today. Yours is already a compelling life and you have so much life ahead of you. If there are elements of your story nagging at you, you will confront them and deal with those issues as you write.
You are safe here in this place. We are here for you with love and support. I believe your story would help so many. You will know when you’re ready, but when you are we will be here with you. Sending you love, peace and prayers and tons of light. ❤️
I’m sitting on another dark, rainy day here in the Portland, OR area.
I have seen this gray for months now. I don’t recall the last sunny day. I started today getting concert tix to Brandi Carlile who really made me feel alive and joy when I saw her in concert last August. But my spouse is jealous of her. I can’t blame her because I show so little joy with her. It’s been 29 years together and I’ve had depression most of those years. She told me today that she’s feeling heartbroken about my wanting to go to two Brandi Carlile concerts while I don’t want to do various things with her that she wants me to do. I’m especially depressed these months. I know I feel much loneliness. I can feel happiness in therapy when I feel we connect and that’s another source of her upset. But I also feel much sadness some sessions with my therapist. My partner repeatedly refuses to go to therapy with me. I have so much unresolved pain. I’m reaching out here for light, support, prayers, suggestions. There are times I feel so helpless and think I should just resign to feeling this way til the day I die. I try to silence my mind. Meditation. Mindfulness. I would be lost without my partner. I cannot imagine my life without her, but why can’t I feel/express my love? I’ve felt it for others. Why not her? I’m also attempting to lower my Klonopin dose again. It’s a benzo that a psychiatrist put me on in 1984. I’d been housebound without it and that drug got me finally getting out more. But I wonder if it killed something as well. My low dosage seems to still effect me and I think I feel the change in decreasing it. The antidepressant I’m on, Paxil, worked so well many years ago. As Carole King sings,
”something inside has died and I just can’t hide it.” I feel my partner’s love for me more often now. I just want to feel more love for her and my life. I know trump has made things all the worse, so I can only watch so much news.
Anita
I am sending you so much love. Wrapping you up in love and in hopefulness.
I went to see my new doctor tonight. He is prescribing a safer sleep med but really wanted to get to the why of my insomnia.
He is kind and listened to me. He told me about his own struggles with his daughter.
He told me it's time for me to be happy and the tears were not for me.
He told me I can't keep my daughter from going through what I have mentally, that I have to ler her grow. That the truth will come out eventually and she will understand why I've done what I have, and what I've gone through.
I don't know if all that is true but I feel hopeful. For me and for her.
I think you should listen to that fine spouse of yours and start doing the various things she wants to do with you . Don't overthink it . Just do it every time she asks you to .
Take the ticket you bought for Brandie Carlile (Yes, she is very hot) and tear it to pieces in front of her . And tell her : "No one is more important to me than you." Tell her you love her .
Before summer she will agree to go to therapy with you .
"All the colours mix together to gray" (DMB)
Untangle that gray and you can have any colour you want .
May the light shine upon your way .
I am interested to read your story. You are a survivor and it will be healing for you and for us.