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(@kksali)
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12/11/2019 11:27 pm  

Hi I am a 2nd time poster.  Just finished my first in another topic.   I am a long time friend of Jeanne's and read regularly.  I am not psychic but my intuition at times is spot on.  I am in need of support. 🙂🙂 I would like to ask you all to please send love and light and healing to my son.  He is a freshman in high school.  We moved out of state when he started 7th grade so this is his 3rd school year here.  He has had many ups and downs and has had a hard time finding and keeping friends.  At the start of this school year he seemed ok but not anymore.  He won't talk to me about it . Tells me he has no friends here. There is part of me that would like to just take a big vacation as a distraction, or pack it all in and move our family someplace else but then I recall Jon Kabbat Zin (spelling?)  "wherever you go there you are"    

I don't know how to help him.   I am asking for prayers and love for him.   and me too.   


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(@jeanne-mayell)
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12/11/2019 11:47 pm  

Sending prayers right now to all of you.  


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(@triciact)
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12/12/2019 9:51 am  

@kksali

I am praying for you and your son right now. This story touched my heart. I'm 59 now but when I was 7 yrs old my parents moved us from Armonk NY to another town about 15 mins away (my father built a 2 family house there). We moved mid year in 1st grade. I had lots of nice friends in Armonk but the new town and school went the opposite way. My first day the kids picked on me and made fun of me all the way through 8th grade. I was miserable. I used to dream of jumping out of a window (no one ever knew). High school we were bused 11 miles away so now there were new kids (combined 3 small towns into one high school) where I made good friends and was happy.

The only thing I would say is have you tried counseling? You say he has a hard time making and KEEPing friends and I wonder why? I just feel like there's a piece of the puzzle missing in this scenario that is important. You may or may not even be aware of it, but I just get the feeling something happened at this new school right when he arrived, that he is not telling you about, that was the trigger. I remember that in 7th grade the kids were the most nasty and cruel (7th and 8th) so something may have happened that put him behind the 8 ball with those kids and he can't get ahead of it.  I hope this comes to light.  Prayers 😇 ❤️ 


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(@shawn)
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12/12/2019 10:01 am  

My heart goes out to you. Our family moved out of our home of 20 years 2 years ago. Our daughters are teens - at the time 9th & 11 grade. It has been a time of adjustment for all of us. Keep your ears open- although with teens it’s tough because they can be quite tight lipped. Is there any way friends from the previous school can come for a visit or vice versa? Sometimes peer support can help sort out things. Sending light to your family ❤️


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(@cindy)
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12/12/2019 10:36 am  

I know I'm late to the party. Real life has been hectic lately. I'm living with my toxic parents. One has late stage Alzheimer's, the other has had a number of strokes and Parkinson's plus other medical issues. It's draining. Behaviors are deteriorating and it's tough on me. I did keep my distance for years and years. I was silly enough to be taken back in when they seemed to change their tune after a long period of distance. I was finally the one who had my head screwed on straight (their words-not mine), and I mistakenly thought that they had finally seen the light. Wrong. I got sucked in, and ended up having to rescue them from the predatory behaviors of my siblings and my sister's boyfriend. I've had them in my house for over a year now. I am now in a position where they are getting to be too much to handle. I've had doctors tell me from the beginning that they should be in a home, but there were factors that kept me from doing so-like my deceased sister's boyfriend refusing to agree to sell the house they got my parents to buy jointly. I can't imagine the Karmic debt this boyfriend has amassed with this move. The house will finally settle in the next two weeks. Now I'm working on applications for nursing homes, and that's going to be a difficult thing to do. I'm villainized already for things I do for them. It's all part of the toxicity. I can't say I'm certain they'll make it into a home tho. 

I had a dream of my passed sister a few weeks ago. She was sick most of her life, and was hospitalized at least once a year. At first I thought it was just an average dream. I was told she was in the hospital again, and I rushed to visit. I expected her to be in bad shape, maybe even critical condition. Much to my surprise when I walked into the room, she was in the bed on the far side, and woman who was older was between us, in the bed closest to the door. Much to my surprise, both were sitting up in bed, using the rolling tray to take notes, like they were in class. My sister looked to be much younger than when she passed, in good physical shape again, and was sitting cross legged on the bed-something she could not do in real life due to a bone disease which had forced the replacement of both shoulders and hips, plus numerous revisions. She had her hair up, leisure wear and glasses on. She was in student mode, and would ask questions of her roommate, addressing the woman as 'judge'. This puzzled me, as I seemed to recognize the roommate as someone from the mortgage industry. I awoke before either realized I had been in the room. This puzzled me for a few days.

What kind of hospital was this I asked? Spirit replied 'rehab'. My sister had been caught up in the opioid crisis from the onset of her disease nearly 20 years before her death 19 months ago. Naturally my mind went to substance abuse rehab-given her physical state appeared good. I wondered who the roommate was, and I googled judge and mortgage terms. I found an article about a judge who had been taking kickbacks in her district from mortgage companies. I flashed on the dream I had 48 hours after my sister's death. She used symbology she knew I'd figure out (scenes designed to look like the movie Defending Your Life). She was so ashamed of how she'd treated me, she couldn't look at me when I saw her. Then she showed me my parents arriving in the afterlife-worn and weary. She stood with those welcoming the newcomers, watching my parents, but then bowing her head in shame and disappearing into the crowd. I realized right away that she was telling me they didn't have too much longer. It took me nearly a year to realize that she was also telling me she wouldn't be 'ready' to greet them when they arrive. Then it dawned on me. This was spiritual rehab she was utilizing in her current visit. This was the sister I was close to most of her life. She crossed lines that put more distance in the relationship later in her life, and I had to cut her off the last 6 months or so because of her behaviors. 

I also know that when my former brother in law passed, I saw him three days after he passed. He was an alcoholic who drank himself to death. My nephew-his son-passed a year earlier, he too was an alcoholic who refused to walk the path of his addicted parents, and when he slipped after a year and a half of sobriety, killed himself at 26. When I asked my brother in law if he had seen his son yet, he sipped his coffee, said he'd wasted his life, and that he hadn't seen his son yet. 

So, in my experiences with passed loved ones visiting, those who have relationship issues will have to work them out there, if they did not do so here. I know I was meant to be a teacher to those in my family, but I can't force them to learn. Like many of you, there comes a time when you say enough is enough. There are those who refuse to learn what they came here to learn, so they'll do so there. Take care of yourselves, it's not a selfish thing to do. Those who typically treat others badly have no self awareness because they don't really like themselves. The saying is true, you can't truly love others until you love yourself. We portray self love as narcissistic, but in reality, the narcissist can't stand themselves, so they create a mask-and that is what they are in love with-the facade. When you take care of yourself, you can then take care of others. 

 


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(@kksali)
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12/12/2019 11:15 am  

@triciact

thank you so much for your prayers.  I am at a loss in how to help him.  He is refusing to talk and has refused counseling.  Goes and then just doesn’t say anything . Sits angry.  He has always been an introvert but had had friends.  I feel like something could have happened that first summer we arrived here.  He was trying so hard to make friends.  Thank you for your insight .


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(@laura-f)
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12/12/2019 11:54 am  

@kksali

Your story resonates with me. We moved across country when my daughter was a rising 10th grader. Big mistake, but nothing to be done about it now.  She was starting to show some signs of anxiety, ADD, etc., but the move triggered her completely. She couldn't keep friends. Still can't, in fact. Tends to cycle through groups and individuals. She can be an a$$hole, so people don't stick around, but she always blames everyone else for her problems and her feelings. Long story short, she put us through the wringer, we even ended up shipping her off to a rehab center at one point, but nothing seemed to help. I began to prepare myself for the possibility of her death, either by drugs or just stupidity. For a long time I blamed myself.

What's helped the most is intense psychotherapy, and at some points, anti-depressant medications. The one thing I have clung to most is that the psychiatrist told me early on that this set of mental illnesses would have come out eventually anyway, that my daughter is genetically predisposed, and that we are good parents and it wasn't our fault. In particular DBT - Dialectical Behavior Therapy helped the most.

Fair warning: your child may resist therapy, so you'll have to find ways to bribe them. And it took us going through 5 other therapists before we found one capable of handling our daughter's complicated issues.  You want to start addressing this stuff now, because once they are in high school it gets very complicated and once they turn 18 it becomes next to impossible to help them if they are so caught up in their mental illness that they can't accept help.

Hang in there, you're not alone. The current generation of young people seems to have the highest rates of anxiety and depression ever. And who can blame them.

Peace.


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(@coyote)
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12/12/2019 2:41 pm  

@kksali

I'm putting your son in my prayers and meditations. As someone who was a lifelong introvert and struggled to maintain close friendships in middle and high school, your son's struggles resonate with me. Tricia's suggestion that something may have happened at the new school seems like a good tip. I feel like adding, however, don't immediately suspect he's being bullied. I was never bullied or ostracized, and my difficulty maintaining friends was much more nuanced than that. In fact, at that age, if my parents ever thought of asking about bullying, I would have immediately clammed up, since it would have seemed like they were taking a blunt instrument to the complexity of my inner life. 

Have you ever considered non-traditional schooling environments for your son? @cc21 has lots of experience with this in their family. You could try approaching your son's social issues indirectly by talking with him about how he feels about the learning environment he's in. Lots of kids and young adults now are rebelling in their own ways against the standard methods of schooling, and for a good reason. So many social issues in younger people are tied up in the deadening routines of an outdated learning modality, and the introverts among us seem to be particularly sensitive to and downtrodden by these issues (I certainly was).


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(@kksali)
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12/12/2019 4:48 pm  

Thank you coyote.  


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 CC21
(@cc21)
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12/12/2019 5:52 pm  

@kksali @coyote

Yes, the thread where we started to discuss some of this is here:

https://www.jeannemayell.com/community/u-s-politics/the-state-of-education-in-our-world-today/

My girls are still in traditional school, but I have considered and researched many different options due to various difficulties over the years. Right now they are doing well, but it is really great to know there are many folks doing different (and successful) alternatives to traditional schools, including democratic schools, unschooling, etc. (Pam Laricchia writes really useful info on unschooling, if that is of interest: https://livingjoyfully.ca/ ) Not saying that is the answer for your son, but you might find it helpful to see what is out there. Best wishes to you! 


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(@elaineg)
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12/12/2019 6:38 pm  

@suspira44

The horse got her hay. Iwas going to try the web page tomorrow if nothing happened. I did noyice the roll was a smaller sized than usual, but at least it was hay. I still gave her a treat.


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(@suspira44)
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12/12/2019 7:37 pm  

you're amazing!


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(@nelysthealchemist)
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12/13/2019 8:33 am  

I feel really lame posting in this thread (my troubles are pocket change compared to what some of the others on this forum are going through), but I wasn't sure where else to post this.

 

I'm experiencing a bit of a crisis at my job. I work at a college and one of my responsibilities is to clear students (my advisees) for graduation. I just cleared one of my advisees for December graduation and sent him notification (this student has been very worried about being set for graduation and I've been providing reassurance as much as possible), when the Registrar called me and informed me that the student is missing a required Math course and is not eligible to graduate. Somehow, I missed this and this student slipped through the cracks. This student will now need to go before a baccalaureate committee with a faculty representative and make his case (and hope that he won't need to take an additional course in order to graduate). The situation isn't entirely my fault, since both of his previous advisors missed that he needed another Math course and I took information from them (where it was indicated that he was all set with his requirements). Also, there is conflicting information published on our college website and our internal templates. All in all, I wouldn't have thought to even look for Math requirements, since there's never been an instance where a student hasn't taken the right number of courses/credits in Math. My boss blames me entirely (haven't received official confirmation of this but he asked to meet with me later today to discuss the situation), and I've been ignoring a gut feeling for months (with this student) that I've been missing something somehow, but I'm not sure that even if I'd paid attention to it, I would know where to look for information I could be missing(?). There doesn't seem to be a real solution aside from: make sure I double check these kinds of requirements in future. I'm so anxious and depressed about the mistake that I've worked myself up and haven't been able to sleep, and I'm concerned that I'm going to lose my job somehow (even though everyone around me keeps saying I won't and that it was an honest mistake, etc.). 

 

All of this points to a larger issue though: my job has become exponentially more demanding over the last several months, and I'm worn out. I feel like I can't keep my energy up in order to be present for my family and everyone at my job. I know that my perfectionism won't allow me to forgive any mistakes, so that hasn't been helping. However, my big fear is that I wouldn't be able to get another job if I lose this one and I feel trapped in the cycle of needing to keep a job in order to support my family. My health insurance is also through my job and it's how I've been able to see a therapist and be on medication and keep my family healthy. I did take a state exam back in April and did so well that I've been receiving continuous canvass letters from the state (invitations to apply to various positions). I had one interview a few months ago but haven't been called back for another interview, even though I feel like it went well. I don't feel like my skills in academia are transferable overall, and all I have to show for my education is a Bachelor of Arts in Music (most people have a master's degree). I can't afford much of a decrease in my salary, either, in order to be able to afford living expenses. The fact that I'm always worried about financial security in the first place and a possible recession (there were huge layoffs here back in the 2009 recession) is compounding things.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to put this out there (vent) before I meet with my boss later today; I'm feeling cut off from my intuition right now because I'm terrified of this meeting and facing my mistake, and (as usual) I'm worried that my fears of loss are correct yet again. It's also been really hard to tune out the heavy feeling I'm getting in general here in the US- I am worried about my country and was horrified by the UK election results. In general, I feel so powerless and trapped- I don't know what else I could do to resolve any of these situations that seem so far out of my control. 


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 CC21
(@cc21)
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12/13/2019 8:47 am  

@nelysthealchemist

I completely understand how you feel - I have felt the same, not wanting to post or feeling like my problems are not as bad as others, so why complain to anyone (either here or to people in my life.) It doesn't matter! It is weighing you down and causing you stress, so it is worthwhile to ask for some support. We have had the same struggles re: feeling caught in the catch-22 of the salary level you currently need, but wanting to switch jobs, etc. It sounds like you are probably OK at your job - just nervous about the mistake? Maybe try some grounding meditation? Deep breaths, envisioning a grounding "cord" going from your head all the way down to your spine, deep into the center of the earth, anchoring there. Just breath and let all of that worry and tension drain into the earth to be absorbed and transmuted. Then visualize some wonderful, golden cosmic light coming into your head and filling you with calm.

I hope your meeting with the boss goes well and can reassure you that this was an honest mistake. And hopefully a solution can be found for the student so all is well. Sending you some calming light and steadiness. Hang in there!


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(@elaineg)
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12/23/2019 11:42 am  

This isn't earth shaking, but since nothing much is going on, I thought I'd ask.My parents died in 1974; three days apart. Mother at 62 of a stroke, and Daddy at 69 of a heart attack. Anyway, before Mother died, she and my aunt went on a cruise. They took pictures. I don't have them anymore (after two fires). but they were odd. Mother was blurry in most of them, even when other people in the picture were normal.  I always thought that she was surrounded by angels, and that was why she was blurry. So could you tell me, if that could be correct? 


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(@jeanne-mayell)
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12/24/2019 7:16 pm  

Happy Holiday Everyone!  Here's a video from Enya and Our Earth:

CLICK HERE (not the image)

or CLICK THIS LINK: https://www.flixxy.com/we-wish-you-a-merry-christmas-and-a-happy-new-year-by-enya.htm

1577233002-enya-for-web.jpg

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(@nelysthealchemist)
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01/07/2020 9:15 am  
Posted by: @cc21

@nelysthealchemist

I completely understand how you feel - I have felt the same, not wanting to post or feeling like my problems are not as bad as others, so why complain to anyone (either here or to people in my life.) It doesn't matter! It is weighing you down and causing you stress, so it is worthwhile to ask for some support. We have had the same struggles re: feeling caught in the catch-22 of the salary level you currently need, but wanting to switch jobs, etc. It sounds like you are probably OK at your job - just nervous about the mistake? Maybe try some grounding meditation? Deep breaths, envisioning a grounding "cord" going from your head all the way down to your spine, deep into the center of the earth, anchoring there. Just breath and let all of that worry and tension drain into the earth to be absorbed and transmuted. Then visualize some wonderful, golden cosmic light coming into your head and filling you with calm.

I hope your meeting with the boss goes well and can reassure you that this was an honest mistake. And hopefully a solution can be found for the student so all is well. Sending you some calming light and steadiness. Hang in there!

I just wanted to post a follow-up to this situation. First off, thank you very much for your reassurance and advice- this was so helpful, especially going into my conversation with my boss. Ultimately, things are ok (I'm going to have to work on a performance plan with my boss, but that seems like a thing that should happen either way). If anything, this incident has highlighted that our degree clearance process requires some major changes and that I'm vulnerable as the only person ultimately responsible (a situation I'm not comfortable with and want to change ASAP before another mistake could be made). I've also been thinking that at this time in my life, I want a more stable situation than this. I already feel deeply unsafe thanks to the chaos taking place in the US right now and the impending climate change consequences, and what's most important to me is my family and providing the stability they need (especially for my young daughter). I'd really like a stable job with predictable work and regular, family-friendly hours. I know it will take some time to be able to find a suitable job, but in the meantime I find I have no energy and that I'm always burning the candle at both ends (and feeling vulnerable). I've always hated the fact that I'm a slave to my job since my benefits and livelihood basically exist solely because of it. I don't expect this dynamic to change for the better anytime soon. Anyway, thanks again for your response!


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 CC21
(@cc21)
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01/07/2020 1:33 pm  

@nelysthealchemist

I am glad my response was helpful. I will keep you in my good thoughts for strength and patience as you look for a more suitable job!


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(@perriwinkle10)
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01/07/2020 3:06 pm  

After 13 years, our beloved pup is scheduled to go over the rainbow today at 2pm. Cancer moved fast and I thought we had more time. Our children will be heartbroken. This has been a year of loss for us. After loosing our Linda, this will surely be another heart pain that takes time to heal. 
I’m battling playing god to end a life of someone I love. I know she’s in unbearable pain but there’s a part of me that worries she could magically get better. Suffering is such a hard thing to witness, when eyes and cuddles are the only form of communication we share with our fur babies. 
Im worried sick about my children, especially my son. His tender heart combined with his connection for this animal is something I can’t fix. Only time can.

Please send my family positive healing. They could use all the light you have. 

This month is a rocky ride.


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(@jeanne-mayell)
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01/07/2020 3:24 pm  

@perriwinkle10

Aw, I am so sorry about this.  I feel your heartbreak.  Our pets are among the most loving and beautiful beloved ones in our lives. Please be gentle with yourselves. 


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