If you need support, understanding, and love, let us know here.

Holding you in love, Natalie. 

Thebeast and Jeanne have said it so well. We're here with and for you.

And we know this has opened some old wounds that just when you think you don't care, you realize just how much you do. The caring so much hurts so badly.  The wanting and missing but never feeling enough receiving is endlessly ripping your heart open.

But this open heart, this hole thebeast sees and feels, the love you want and need that Jeanne is wrapping you up in, is free to you. You don't have to be anything or anybody you're not. Just you. That's who we all know and see in the light.

We love you, Natalie. We know you just as deep inside you know who you truly are. In the light, in the heart, in our hearts, we are all your family. 

???

Natalie, you are so much more than your DNA.  We want to identify with lineage, traditions and heritage.  While that can be satisfying to a certain extent, it also limits our self realization when we explore our deepest self, our intuitive self and the mysteries of our spirit origin.  Our spirit is not limited by DNA or ethnicity.  My heart feels your pain and suffering and I want to assure you that despite your heartache, this wound is not fatal.  You will get through this and your spirit will not only be stronger, your beautiful spirit will thrive.  I am sending you much love and pray for peace and serenity for you in the days, weeks and months ahead.

My god. Thank you guys. I really didn't expect so many of you to chime in. Thank you so so so much. I am still uncertain about whether my father is my biological father, it used be a certainty in my mind, now it's become a maybe. But dad says that this will only make us closer - and in my heart he is my father. Thank you for everything - your kind words mean a great deal. My husband is quite sad at the loss of his step grandfather as am I, and my great great aunt as well. Your words make everything easier to bear.

thank you.

Love so much.

Natalie

Natalie,
You have had some serious emotional curve balls thrown at you and my heart goes out to you. As a husband and father I have always felt that we sometimes give too much weight to biology. We are souls with a body and we choose the circumstances of our birth to give us the greatest opportunity for spiritual growth which can include things like healing old wounds.  My personal path has included many obstacles and a fair share of heartbreak - but I wouldn't change a thing.

I don't know if you used 23 and Me for your DNA testing but let me share my experience. I have a biological daughter who used 23 and Me about one year before I did. She looks remarkable like me and people have commented on the resemblance our whole lives. The most striking feature is the blue/grey eyes that we share and we have both been complemented on them our entire lives. She didn't show us as a potential relative in my DNA results so I have to question the accuracy of spit testing like this.

Besides, I have had the privilege of  raising a step child and think of her as my own and she thinks of me as her father. The fact that we don't share any DNA is completely irrelevant and pales in comparison to our emotional ties.

I take comfort in something that I once read in one of Eckhart Tolle's books - (and I'm paraphrasing here), "How do we know that something that is happening to us is what is supposed to be happening in our life? Because it is happening." That quote has come to mind many times.

Dear Natalie - My intention is not to hurt you, but coming from someone [me] with significant FAmily of Origin issues (I did DNA test last year, yep, still related!), I want to remind you that family is what you make of it, or to put another way, you make your family. If you and your father have a loving relationship, then he is right, it doesn't matter. If your mother won't answer your questions you have to let it go, she may be holding her own painful secret. You are a being of love and light, you're okay, there's nothing in these test results that's harming you if you don't let it.  ❤️  ❤️  ?  ? 

Natalie, 

As many others have said, blood (DNA) does not make a family.  These quick DNA sites are, in my opinion, just out to make a buck.  Who knows how accurate they are.  I am fascinated by genetics, but ultimately, we all came from the same place - yes?  We are all built of the same components, and we are all connected.  Sometimes, we wish we weren't - sometimes we wish we were.

The thing that counts is the relationships you build, the truths you seek out, the light you shine with the love you share with others, and you certainly shine.  It's clear you have a Father - let the hole in your heart be filled with that.  Let some of the true father relationship you feel spill out onto your relationship with your mom.  She has a hole in her heart that she hasn't filled and doesn't know how to share with anyone right now.  Super hard to share pain with our children - it is our default to shelter them from all pain.

I'm sorry to hear of your losses in a short time span as well - that's tough.  I lost my Grandpa (paternal) my Grandma (maternal) and my Mom in the course of three years - all in February.  Give yourself time to grieve.  Feel whatever it is you feel.  Honor yourself in however it is you deal with their passing.  They will never be far. 

Much love and peace to you!

Thank you Paul and Laura and everyone. I want to clarify a little bit. I used ancestry dna and it came up with 33% Caucasus and 6% persian (the other results are clearly mom). About 2 days after i received the results dad emails me out of the blue to tell me that my half brother (the child of 2 Cuban parents) had done a dna test through 23and me and dad thought I'd like to see the results. Well my little brother turnrd out to be 66% spanish/portugese and 4% italian. His results were what was expected, mine weren't. But because i used a different company, we couldn't compare our results to see if we were related. Dad didn't know that i had done my own dna test, some part of me thought this couldn't be a coincidence, the universe was trying to tell me something. It was at that point that i panicked and called dad and had a 2 hour talk through tears etc....

But i agree with you paul that i don't know if i trust the results. My whole life people have commented on how much i resemble my father. Theres a strong resemblance with my half brother too. Among other things we all have the family unibrow (or at least i did in childhood before i began waxing), the same shaped limbs, similar coloring and personalities. I feel as though I'm making too much of this, it may very well not be a true result. I'm sorry if i complained for silly reasons, i just had a serious shock about it all and grief.

You've all made me feel better.

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

Love

Natalie

I am sorry for all the pain you are feeling right now Natalie.  

My understanding of DNA testing is that you can inherit different genes from your parents than you siblings.  You get half your DNA from one parent and half from the other, but the mix you get from your dad or mom might very from your siblings.  I guess that is why some siblings carry a certain gene for a disease while others are not carriers, why some have blonde hair and others have brown.  If you really want more clarity, you can opt to do a test with the same company as your brother.  Ultimately it is up to you on what is important for you.  Love is a beautiful thing and your father is showing you it has no bounds.  The is a powerful gift you have received even if it is difficult to see at this moment. 

Ugh, I am so sorry to be looking for reassurance right now, my problem seems petty compared to the difficulties many others are facing. But to me, this is huge, and I am having trouble sleeping at night... My husband was going to be laid off last year, and we had an inkling that it might be coming, so he had already been looking for new jobs when the word came. We had been looking both near and far because this had been the second time in the last ten years and we felt if he was going to have to look for a new job, maybe it was just time to change areas. He did get a new job, at an ivy league university. It was at a significant pay cut but offered tuition incentives for our two teenage daughters and a seeming opportunity for me to grow my/our business ( I work full time for myself- my husband as he can in our business). So we weighed the options and it seemed the move was the best opportunity for all of us. So we moved late last summer. We are currently in temporary housing- rental- which is fine but not home. Our home that we left ( which is over 4 hours away) has been up for sale for about six months, and is really draining our savings. We have put it up for rent or buy- nothing has come through. A couple of nibbles- but nothing has stuck. Its a beautiful house, renovated historic home, brand new heating system - which is eco-friendly, it was a dream home for us. We have dropped the price- to the lowest I think we can go. Everything else about the move for the most part has been really good. The kids have made new friends and are doing well at school. They miss the old house and friends they grew up with, but they are engaging in the new area and with new people. They aren't really sulking- which is a feat for teenagers. My husband is a lot less stressed, and our business is growing. I am feeling more opportunity and new challenges- that's all good. But the HOUSE. It could potentially sink us if it doesn't sell soon. Plus, I can't wait to get out of the rental- because it doesn't feel like home. I can't really relax because nothing about the rental feels right. It also is triggering all of my fears- as a kid we never had a home of our own until the year before I graduated. So the first real home- that was mine was with my husband- ( the one where I could have a dog and paint the walls and know was mine). We've had our own home for 20+ years. Now I am worried, if our previous home doesn't sell- and we have to short sale or foreclose it will ruin our credit and we won't ever own another home. We have spent quite a bit of money paying mortgage an expenses for an empty house. It can't go on forever. I am so worried that in an effort to stabilize our family and make things better by moving, somehow I've/We've made it worse. Ugh! There is another home, in the new area I really like and hope will be our new home. We tried to bid on another home that we lost with a contingency - now I see why the other homeowner didn't want to accept our offer. I am afraid to make another offer now, until our home in our previous area sells. But, I also know with each day passing we could lose the opportunity of the house here. I am also nervous about the economy changing with each passing day- which will make it harder to sell or buy either house. Again,  I am sorry for venting here. I appreciate this forum and all the amazing people here who even in the face of difficulty and trying circumstances in their private lives and/or the pressures and problems of our world and country seem to always make room for hope and light. I guess I am feeling a little gloomy....

Dearest Shawn,

You have so clearly seen and expressed your deep anxieties and fears and I thank you for sharing that knowing and expressing this as so truly needed to be done.

You have recognized just what happens as any of us faces change. Yours is multi-layered, multi-lateral and with unknown effects. Nevertheless so much is already wonderfully in place and that is amazing. Look at just how much you and your family have already gone through and done!  Wow!  Good for you, all of you!!

Bless you, Shawn for your bravery and for your awareness but most of all for all you do and have done for yourself and so many others.

Many of us have lived in these spaces--some of us for years, a number of us for most of this  lifetime and it is an energy we know well and perhaps have even come to better understand as day by day, year by year we continue to thrive, not only within stressful circumstances but often in a strange way, because of them.

I want to share what I felt as I read here and it was all about wonderful promise. 

Lovely new adventures of understandings gained, abilities increased, new friendships made, and openings in all ways.

Trust your own strength, insights and power for they are ready for this.

You have an opportunity to blossom in ways you have never imagined. Open into it. I see such lovely good things about all of this, especially that which truly matters.

Holding you in the light as your own bright light glows. You are the heart of this new home and what beautiful blessings you have and can give!

Michele, Thank you so much for your response. I had tears in my eyes reading this. You have such a generous heart to offer such a blessing to me and my family, with your thoughtful and hopeful response. I felt a bit sheepish about my posting later, and tried to take it down- but couldn't figure out how... You are so right, this is about more than just the house. My husband and I made choices to try to make things better in a difficult situation and now - without any map- and meeting some financial obstacles, I'm worried we made the wrong choices. That somehow by trying to stabilize our future, especially my kids, I made it worse. But, there is no assurance, for any of us. Just trust and hope. Thank you for reminding me. Thank you for also reminding me, that I nor any of us are really alone-we all have friends and angels by our sides, irregardless of how things turn out. So much has already gone well, I will try to stay focused on that with gratitude. I will trust and hope that any further obstacles encountered- I will be directed on how to best deal with them. Gosh, I am listening :) Thank you Michele for hearing me with kindness. <3

Hey everyone I need so support and someone understanding to talk with right now. My work has cut my hours down to 6 hours a week and its made me so depressed. My boyfriend is having trouble holding a job longer than a month do to various reasons and its my responsibility to help where he can't. I am barely making anything and I just need prayers right now. I am depressed and frustrated so badly I haven't slept to well the last few days. ? Laynara?

Layanara,

I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this difficult time.  Several years ago, during the recession my husband's work became unstable and I was laid off from work. It was very stressful, especially when you have little ones who depend on you.  The only thing that I can say that might be helpful, is to stay present. Look around the life you already have, the openings, opportunities and skills you have and explore if there is an opening to move forward through them. It may not help your immediate circumstances or maybe it could be a seed. It was for me. I found a new line of work and started doing projects on my own. It has not been easy, but it has led me and our family in a new direction. Sending you love and strength. Look for the guideposts, I'm am sure there are some there.

Shawn and Layanara,  oh how life challenges us.  Financial struggles are so difficult, yet when I look back at my (long) life and reflect on times of financial hardship, I am struck by the life lessons learned.  You learn to persevere when afraid and everything appears bleak and hopeless.  You learn new skills and how to step outside your comfort zone.   You learn to economize and become a better money manager.  Don’t let your worse fears dominate your thoughts, instead reach out like you’ve done here.  There are very few people who float through life without financial challenges.

When reading your posts, my immediate thought is to start listening within.  Meditate.   Listen to your inner self.  Listen for guidance from your spirit guides.  This may come in dreams or in musical lyrics that come to mind out of the blue.  It may come through reading, but however it comes, there is a message for you.

I think you’re both going to be okay.  I am sending you much love and heartfelt comfort and peace.

Bluebell, Thank you so much for your kind message. I agree with you, I need to stop focusing on the problem & get quiet and listen for an answer. I am working on that- albeit it’s a bit challenging at times. But I hear the wisdom in your words & they ring true. Thank you for taking the time out to offer Layanara and I your kind and important reminder to stay present and listen. Thank you so much! ?

Bluebelle -- your advice to Shawn resonated with me as well. Thank you for that! Listening within and meditating and trying to get a sense of what message might be conveyed. I agree - many times in my life I have "noticed" things and found meaning in them at the time. Our family is facing some difficult things re: our kids and school right now (ongoing issues) and I have felt like I am searching for guidance/signposts/things to "notice", but am not seeing them! I may be too preoccupied with finding a solution, instead of just listening. So I will try to listen more :) Asking for good thoughts and guidance from anyone reading this that I/my family recognizes the guidance being given so that we can find the best path for us all. Thank you!

Reading through this thread I feel incredibly lucky and honored to be a part of this group. My love and support goes out to everyone writing and following along silently. Jeanne I watched both of your Youtube videos and whenever you mentioned this group, I felt so comforted. My physical health is very  very bad at the moment and I work everyday at Healing. I am in a rebuilding stage with my daughter as our relationship has been strained and damage has been done all around. today I was dizzy and I missed my dog who I let go of in December. My new little girl dog is a comfort but he used to be vigilant and never leave my side during the occasional vertigo spells from an inner ear malady/weird condition. 

I find being in a body to be constraining. I have been careless, and haven't gotten the medical advice/info I needed which has put me in a ditch and in constant pain.  I know I am more than this pain and this body,  and I also know a  survivor of trauma I must keep my emotional wits about me and not wallow in grief and despair.

So I am tired , very tired, and as I give readings sometimes for others I find that I am now depleted and struggling with balance, finding it, having it, keeping it. I ask you, my friends, to send me Reiki, healing,  and continued strength and courage to turn it around and not become triggered. My computer is broken so if anyone responds don't think me antisocial. and you are right Jeanne, I do have a problem with boundaries and empath issues, and psychic medium acceptance of myself. I have a gift, yet I am not at acceptance with it. Not yet at least.  

Thank you all for these amazing posts. Thank you Shawn, Laynara, Ghandigirl for reaching out.  My God, thank you Michele and Bluebelle for your compassionate and healing responses.  You two have many gifts. But your gift of loving and listening and sharing wisdom is supreme.  I felt lifted up by you and also by the love coming through from all the readers.  I also send my love to Shawn, Laynara, and Ghandigirl, and all who have reached out here.  When I read your distress my heart wells up for you and I believe others react the same way.  We send healing light to you. 

I remember well a time when we didn't have enough money coming in to cover food and mortgage. We had only been married a few years, had just had two babies, close together, and I'd long before quit my mainstream easy money job and was working at home as a freelance writer.

I wasn't making enough as a writer to even cover the cost of the babysitter I needed in order to work. I was using my MasterCard to cover food, and worrying constantly about how I'd pay it off.  A friend who came by said, "Jeanne, the money worry in this house is palpable!"  At my husband's job there was the constant worry about layoffs due to a change in ownership. 

Finding an affordable babysitter was the biggest challenge. Organized day care was too expensive so I shared a babysitter with a neighbor, but she kept raising her rates. 

After weeks of worrying, trying new sitters with bad outcomes,  I calmed myself down and began visualizing the solutions.

In my mind I pictured a wonderful after-school teenager who would be affordable and good with my children. The next day I drove to the high school and sat in the car with my two toddlers. Within an instant,  a girl appeared on the front steps who I vaguely knew and I asked her if she babysat. Yes, she said, but only limited hours. I knew I could not use two different sitters because my sensitive 2 year old wouldn't tolerate different people.

No problem, she said, she had an identical twin sister who could make up for the remaining hours I needed!  My boy didn't noticed the difference when the girls took over each other's shifts.  For a long time, he thought they were one person!  Those girls saved my kids with their loving kindness and they saved me.  Not only did they get me through a rough time, we've become lifelong friends.

I also learned to economize from the experience. But mostly this rough patch was why I started giving readings to make ends meet.  It burgeoned into a true calling in which every day I look forward to working.

Visualizing has always guided me and still does.

Jeanne, I am so sorry for the hardship your family experienced in the past. But, I am equally grateful that, with a silver lining it led you to all of us. Your example shows us that experience isn’t always the way you are first perceiving it. The tough times are tough - true enough. No one enjoys them, but with support & resilience, often there is a kernel of opportunity or good ❤️ Thank you Jeanne for finding a way to turn your struggles to opportunity that led you here- and creating this amazing site for all of us. I am so grateful for it, you, and the community of light workers you have brought together.