If you need support, understanding, and love, let us know here.
When we are depleted it can be so good and so healing to focus on ourselves and send simple caring hugs to others without overdoing our own currently depleted energies.
Sometimes we need to protect our selves from always giving never resting ...
@michele-b, I loved your post, especially as it relates to self acceptance and self care. Your remarks, combined with how I am feeling physically, directly affected how I responded to a friend(?) who is an incessant talker and energy vampire.
I just got off of a 2 hour phone call with her. I was, once again, the supportive, patient, sensitive sounding board. I was able to share about myself for about 5 minutes. The "conversation" ended with her saying, "what time is it? Oh, I've gotta go and get to my massage." Something inside of me snapped. I was angry, but I maintained my composure and told her exactly what I was feeling. She responded with a number of defensive remarks. She seemed almost resentful that I had, as she expressed it, "mentioned this" to her once before. The fact is, these one-sided conversations occur with her almost every time we talk, which is maybe once every few months. (There are only so many times I can excuse myself and go to the ladies room when I'm out at lunch with her.) And it's often an energy dump, where she's not looking for solutions -- she just needs to vent.
I know that a number of you have experienced what I am talking about. We're sensitive; we want to help. People are often drawn to us because of those traits. But sometimes we really need to talk, only to find that, once again, we've put ourselves last. We've put someone else's needs before our own.
What I have recently realized, quite painfully, is that because I have these weird, sometimes debilitating illnesses, I am somewhat isolated. So many of my remaining female friendships are often one-sided. I'm quite tough and can be pretty direct when warranted, but I put up with these friendships because of my isolation. Don't misunderstand me -- I think some of my biggest strengths include my sensitivity to others, trying to bring out the best in people, and just being present to them. I like that about me. But those strengths can be a double-edged sword; I put myself last too often.
My husband, God bless him, does listen to me. I am so grateful for that. He can't believe it when I tell him what a doormat I was in my younger years. He says that's never been his experience with me. Yet when I have those moments of dismissing myself, I feel like that young woman, that doormat. When I dismiss myself, others dismiss me.
I hesitated sharing this with you, because I know that many in this community have complicated lives. Many of you are raising children, some with special needs, or caretaking aging parents, or working or volunteering multiple jobs. Living your lives with such grace. Putting others' needs before your own. Many of you have very little time left over to care for yourselves -- for that "me" time. You don't have that luxury.
But I share this with you anyway, because I know many of you will understand. We each have our path in life. It's just nice to know that you're being heard, and that you matter.
This was absolutely wonderful, amazing and so sharing of your own voice and truth!
There are many of us here who see, hear, and relate to what you are sharing. We've all been there, done and been that.
I'm pretty sure that there are even those who often feel like the word "Welcome' must be tattooed on their foreheads or backs as they get used over and over as a repository of others emotions of negativity and having a bad day as an excuse to wipe their feet off and then walk on over other people's feelings.
But your husband is right you are not a doormat as we know you now but a strong, caring, gracious and giving friend and we who know you know that. And of course you (and all of us) deserve that in return.
And if you here have "one sided friendship" friends try to tell you off when you're exhausted and had enough far too often just politely tell them to wipe their claws elsewhere. 😉
Just as you so politely demonstrated you know how to do.
We just love you Deetoo 🤗 And we're grateful you're here open heartedly sharing with all of us 💜
@michele-b, thank you for your kind response. You brought me to tears (the good stuff!) and made me laugh. Don't you sometimes wish that our "Welcome" mats had a trap door?
I love all of you too.
Wow did that sound familiar to me! I had a friend once who used to do the same thing. She was going through a tough divorce, plus she had SADs so in the winter she would expect me to run to her house (1/2 hr away) and just let her ramble on. She sometimes became so emotional and needy, yet she was actually a very nice gal. But the energy drain became too much for me and I ended up just gradually distancing myself from her. She eventually even married a man who only married her for his green card. I tried to warn her, but she wouldn't listen. Of course the truth came out after they married. I hear she actually married again after him too. I wish her well.
Point being I get where you are coming from. If we aren't surrounded by a lot of friends sometimes we do put up with ones who aren't really best for us. Additionally, we sensitive types attract folks who need us. I find the universe eventually closes the door when they have done too much of the emotional vampire thing though 🙂
I'm just glad we all have one another on this site. Godsend to be able to talk about this stuff to one another!
I don't want to be an energy vampire, I am having a rough night. My new doc is upping my main meds and I only just talked to him and must calm myself enough to start my sleep routine. Changes in meds are hard for me usually.and I am tired and anxious from not having the new med work last night so he is dsicontinuing that med and upping the meds that do work. Anxious about upping the dose, as a different professional didn't want to up the dosage. but hopeful to sleep, still allowed to use the sliver of ambien as I continue to wean off. I can recognize that I am not doing as well as I was before and logically it makes sense to increase the dose, it is pretty low anyway. But my brain won't always give me a break.
Just now though writing this to you my "psychic friends network", I felt a sense of calm as I imagined your supportive posts back to me. I know that you will all help me with your energy to feel calm and to keep healing. I am remebering that I am safe. I am encouraged that my boyfriend woke up and was supportive. Really I shouldn't be afraid. And now it is time to start my sleep routine...
I can also relate to needing sleep medications. I am here for you. Don't mistake my post about energy vampires meaning I/ we don't want to be hear for you/others. My husband brought me a sleep sound machine for Christmas and if you like I will post the link. I still need a half an ambien to sleep though -- but at least we are heading in the right direction 🙂
@ghandigirl, I just saw your post this morning. I do hope that you were able to eventually achieve some restful sleep. I'm glad to hear that your boyfriend was supportive.
I totally understand about your sensitivity to any change in your medications, as well as your anxiety about your sleep routine. I experienced chronic insomnia for well over a decade, sometimes caused by medication, sometimes by hormonal changes, but most often by my sympathetic nervous system, and whatever may have set my crazy train in motion. I was never able to take any prescribed sleep medication; even at the smallest dose, it made me too loopy. I now take a sleep cocktail -- lots of magnesium, a small dose of beta blocker, 1/2 Benadryl, 200 mg. of l-theanine, and a white noise machine generally seems to work. When that doesn't totally work (which has occurred more during the last 3 years), I either meditate, journal, or do the polyvagal exercise I mentioned in an earlier post. During my worst nights I'd force myself to get up out of bed, go into the living room and read, sketch or color, or do some calming stretches. For as exhausted as I felt, tossing and turning in bed would generally make things worse.
To reiterate what @TriciaCT stated, please do not mistake my remark about energy vampires to mean that I don't want to hear from you or others. What I described in my earlier post was a complicated situation. I never want you to feel reluctant to post. We all love and support you here in this community.
❤️ ❤️ ❤️
Thanks for reiterating that. I also had quite a complicated situation that lasted many years with that friend of mine too.
I wanted to post the machine my husband bought me for Christmas. I still have trouble falling asleep and I also take Magnesium, tart cherry capsules, and I'm still trying to find the right natural cocktail of sleep med (with or without melatonin, not sure yet). But here's the sleep machine:
I was able to sleep but had a bad nightmare I can't remember. Woke up shouting, "No!" over and over. Thought I heard voices outside and lots of noises from upstairs neighbors, but that may have been in my mind. I've had auditory hallucinations in the past. I was scared...but maybe it was real. Neighbors have hung outside my window before near the trashcans to smoke and chat. The lawn crew sometimes comes in the middle of the night to mow the lawn or snowblow. Annoying!
I use a fan for white noise every night and did do the polyvagal exercise last night. Thanks for sending it. It got me yawning and sleepy. I also tapped and said my main affirmation, "I invite the qualities of good sleep." and thought about other affirmations, along with doing a breathing exercise. Although I thought I wouldn't be able to, I did fall asleep well.
I have had insomnia off and on for at least 15 years. My dog used to wake up with me when I would panic. I miss that and I miss him, especially at night.
If I can't sleep within fifteen minutes I get out of bed and visit with the cat, drink warm milk, write to friends, or read this forum.
I feel much calmer this morning and a little hungover. I am believing that my new doc has got it right though. The anxiety has been high lately, although I have been able to change my thoughts pretty well with positive thinking.
So glad things are improving, ghandigirl. I detect in your posts a fierce desire to heal. Keep it up! We’re always here for you.
To everyone who deals with chronic sleeplessness: I’m in awe. Although I’ve never dealt with chronic insomnia, twice (first from 2011 to 2012 then from 2015 to 2016) I was enrolled in experimental drug trials. When both trials ended and I stopped taking the drugs, I experienced a week of extreme insomnia and general restlessness in which I only got 1 hour of tangled sleep each night. It felt like psychological torture. The value of those experiences is that they instilled me with deep respect for people who deal with insomnia on and off for years. Sleep really is such a vital thing, and it’s cruel when we can’t get it when we need it most.
@anita I don't know what your spiritual beliefs are now, so this advice may or may not be helpful. But do you ever talk to your spirit guides? And I mean going to a quiet space and actually talking out loud, as if you were confiding to a friend. Because when it's just you and your guides, there doesn't have to be any dogma or formality. Forget the severity of institutional Catholicism. Your spirit guides are ancient friends, and they want to hear what's burdening you so that they can help you. I've only started talking to my guides in the past year, and the process makes me feel less alone, less rudderless. Usually I have these conversations before I go to bed or when I'm alone outside in a natural setting, but also sometimes when I'm driving to work in the morning,
This is great advice, although I'd add that in addition to just talking with your guides, to actually ask for guidance on solving whatever problem you're having. Our free will gives us the freedom (and some would say the burden) of navigating this existance with very little "interference" from those across the veil. It's part of the experience our souls signed up for... However, it doesn't necessarily have to be that way. One of the lessons we're here to learn is that we are not alone, not seperate. To realize, in fact, that everything and everyone is connected and a part of Love expressing itself in infinite ways. One of the most amazing ways of learning this lesson is asking for guidance on solving a problem and then watching as, suddenly, everything starts to fall into place. You may start getting an urge to do something you've never considered before; a friendly stranger might tell you about an experience they've had; you might stumble on an article with great insights; or the answer may just pop into your head one day as in "Go do this." In any case, you may come out the other side feeling like "Wow, how did that turn out to be so simple?"
In fact, a great, kind of all encompassing thing to ask for is "Guidance so that my life may flow for the Greatest and Highest Good"
@anita I was also raised catholic, so if your belief system doesn't include the concept of spirit guides, it's fine to just ask Jesus, The Virgin Mary, the saint of your choosing, or even God for the same type of guidance. If it seems wierd asking God for guidance on something so mundane/small, just realize: Why wouldn't an omnicient, omnipresent, all loving God be willing (and more than able) to guide his beloved children?
@triciact, thanks for the sound machine link. What is brown or pink noise? I have a very old machine from years ago. It sometimes has static, so I think it's about to die. It has about 8 settings (rain, ocean, etc.), including white noise. The white noise seems to work the best for me. The crickets setting drove me crazy. (That's the city girl in me.) I purchased another machine but had to give it away; it always sounded like someone was talking. My husband heard it too. Spooky.
Regarding your post on friendship and energy drain: It really resonated when you stated “If we aren't surrounded by a lot of friends sometimes we do put up with ones who aren't really best for us.” That certainly has been true in my case. What I’ve come to realize recently is if you’re always the one who gives support and aren’t even seen by the other person, that actually feels lonelier than if you are alone!
I’m an introvert so I never needed or wanted a lot of social activity or friends, but I always had a few who were like soul sisters. As I became increasingly ill, I found it difficult to plan things and sometimes to even get out and about. Then a few of my good friends moved away. The others that remained are either like the friend I described earlier, or friends who, for a variety of reasons, aren’t available. I know that they love me, but they don’t have time for me. I’ve come to accept that fact.
Right now I receive most of my support from my husband and this community, for which I am profoundly grateful. Although I do have ongoing health challenges, they are more manageable than they were 5 years ago. Another reason to be grateful.
I would like to find some new gal pals in my area. So … you got me thinking and praying about it. I have faith that the answers and friendships will come.
@ghandigirl, I'm happy to hear that you got some sleep last night. I'm also glad that the polyvagal exercise was helpful.
You're doing all that you can to navigate this difficult time in your life, taking it a day at a time. It sounds like you've got a number of coping mechanisms from which to draw. I understand this is a daily struggle, and I admire your faith and resilience.
May you have a peaceful sleep tonight.
Thank you my friend. I am hopeful.
You are right. I am fiercely devoted to healing. It is the only way I can justify all of the changes in my life. I am my number one priority. It's self caring, not selfish. Can't give to anyone else if I am empty.
I am just catching up on posts tonight... I hope that you are well on your way to Dreamland (hopefully bypassing Nightmare Town). I'm going to add my 2 cents, I may have posted this before, if so, apologies.
I use Binaural Beats "music" for migraines and insomnia, you just listen calmly with good headphones (no earbuds!) or through a good stereo or bluetooth speaker system - you can even run it thru your TV soundbar if you have one. It readjusts your brain waves. It really works. I'll put the link to my favorite just below. You can convert it to mp3 and download it to your phone or ipod for easy access, or you can download it to a tablet or laptop or desktop (and maybe burn a CD from a desktop if you have that ability). Or you can just stream it and listen. It knocks me out without fail and I never get nightmares while it's on.
I'm still sick, btw, y'all. No fever but it's turned into asthmatic bronchitis. I've finished round 2 of antibiotics, have used up most of my rescue inhaler and and anti-inflammatory inhaler, been through 2 bottles of B&T Nighttime Cough Serum, a bottle of Benadryl and 2 bottles of Guaifenesin. Have been sick more than well since Dec 9, and haven't been sick this long in nearly 20 years.
I think I need a healing booster shot, LOL! Send what you can when you can - just a little oomph, nothing too complicated, thanks and namasté ❤️ ❤️
Ginger and lemon tea with honey might help. I use real ingredients. No tea bags. This can also be taken cold over ice. I also use chopped garlic mixed with a tbsp of flax oil and swallow. Don’t chew or your breath will he horrible. Garlic will kill bacteria. Raw garlic may give a tummy ache on an empty stomach. Take after a meal or with a bowl of soup.
Yes. I listen to delta waves sleep music every night, barely audible on my laptop. I used to listen to the binaural beats music years ago Both help tremendously. 🙂
I had asthmatic bronchitis years ago. I described it as being kicked in the lungs. I am imagining your lungs pink and healthy. Sending warm blessings and cool air to your lungs. Get well soon.
@laura-f, Good grief ... I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sending you that extra oomph of healing -- using ghandigirl's image of pink, healthy lungs, breathing freely.
My hubby is still sick -- can't quite shake this thing. He's finishing a second round of antibiotics. His doc seems to think it's another bug, but how does he know for sure? My bad respiratory bug is gone, but still feel like I'm fighting a cold (sniffles, fatigue, etc.). So far I'm managing to keep it at bay with homeopathic remedies.
A really tough year for so many people, in so many ways.
Regarding the sleep unit, I actually use just the ocean setting. I tried the brown and pink noise but it's similar to white noise I guess. The brown wasn't as loud as the pink. Using the ocean setting I have noticed that when I finally get to sleep I sleep through the night and this morning I actually woke up from the alarm! (this is big for me).
I like the advice from @frank and will try doing that affirmation too. I have had so many friends from the past move away or after they had kids years ago they drifted away. I still have two really good girlfriends, my best friend moved back from Texas to CT several years ago. Was one of the happiest days for me since it's hard to find such good friends.
It's hard to just "reach out" to someone when you haven't in a while. I worked with a gal for years, then one day I just reached out to ask her if she wanted to have a drink. Now we have dinner once a month close by which is really nice. We talk and talk...so I guess it's sometimes a matter of just picking up the phone (something that so many don't do these days, they just want you to text them instead of calling first!)
I'm so grateful for you all here because I don't know what I would do with my active brain and feelings if I didn't have you all on this site to talk to.
I'm so sorry you are going through this bought of illness with bronchitis and asthma! Vagebeau's advice about the garlic, ginger, honey and lemon is a good one, but I would drink it hot. I also take a pot of boiling water off the stove, place some vicks or tea tree and eucalyptus oil in it and take a towel over my head to breath in the steam. I went through bronchitis years ago and that helped me, though I have never had asthma with it. I also use ASAP colloidal silver (found on amazon) when I get sick I take 3 teaspoons a day and also ionic zinc - at least 5 drops in water - I've noticed I fight colds off by taking the zinc every day.
I'll be praying for you and hope you feel better soon!
Re: remedies - Just so everyone knows - I've been doing all of that stuff for years. This has just been a bad year for respiratory illness. Thanks for the reminders, though, I'm sure it'll help others too.
@laura-f I did some energy work for you last night. Your two lower chakra energy centers (sacral and root) had some blockages which I was able to clear. Of course, there was also a very dense energy around your chest area. It took some time 🙂 but I think I was able to get it cleared out as well. I sense a lot of inflammation in your body in general (likely from the illness) so I would recommend eating as many anti-inflammatory foods as possible and maybe looking into some supplemnents (like tumeric). Also, you need to keep your energy flowing in order let your body start to heal itself (inflammation tends to cause energy blockage). Try visualizing light coming down through your crown into your body through your lungs (dissolving any darkness away) and passing down through your feet into the ground. You can do this for as long or short a period as you like and as often as you want. Just follow your intuition. Hope this helps 🙂
Im not used to asking help from my spirit guides because different people have told me I have different guides than what another has. So I don’t know who they are.
i used to pray to Mary all the time, but as my belief in the Catholic Church waned, so did my prayers.
Your description on how to ask for help from our spirit guides/ the saints/ God is beautifully and so thoughtfully written. I loved reading your post, it connected with me deeply.
I also enjoyed reading your description of the energy healing you did for Laura F. There were even some tidbits for us all to think about to help us all.
I am so glad you recently joined our community.
Lovendures said what I was thinking! Frank - I loved your description of how to ask for help from God/Spirit Guides, etc. I have been following with interest the discussion on various threads about those of you former Catholics who either utilize what works for you from that tradition, or have dropped it entirely. I am Catholic, but take everything with a large grain of salt and have had my own journey of doubt, etc., but still enjoy and find connection with its rituals (I also grew up in the Byzantine/Eastern rite tradition, so there are differences in ritual between that and the Latin Rite.) It is all so interesting and I am learning to let go of "have to" and embrace what works. It is reassuring and enlightening to see how each of you interpret your spiritual side and what that means for your personal rituals. And yes, so glad you have joined the community here, Frank!
Thanks, namasté, and I accept your healing with gratitude. Woke up feeling slightly less congested, and my home pulse ox measurements are back up into normal range today.
If I gave the full list of stuff I do to boost my not-great and autoimmune addled immune system, you all would think I'm nuts! suffice to say everything suggested on this thread I'm either already doing, or have tried it in the past and it wasn't for me. My diet is also pretty restrictive.
I've decided to make a special dinner tonight - Fessenjan. It's a Persian chicken dish, with ground walnuts, orange and pomegranate juices, and I'm also making some turmeric-cilantro rice to go with it.
There's no need to ask any specific person/being for guidance. You can simply ask Spirit/The Universe/Love or whatever feels right to you.
BTW, since we been conversing on the forum, I've started to get a "feel" on your energy. I "see" your energetic body wrapped up in bandages, almost like a mummy. It looks like you originally used the "bandages" in an attempt to heal and then later for protection, but now they are just stifling you. The thing is, your very basic essence, your soul, is like a star. Not much can hurt a star, but it's light can be blocked. You are very empathic and intuitive and so any low energy that you come across in the world feels like you are being bombarded by meteors. Meteors CAN'T harm a star. The star just pulls that meteor in, breaks in down into it's most basics parts and sends it back out as life giving Light.
If you're so inclined, I have two different visualizations that I think may help you:
First, visualize that star at your center, your heart. See it start to burn brighter and brighter until it burns/melts away the bindings that are trying to constrain you and then, keep going until you're so bright that all there is, is white light everywhere.
Second, whenever you feel overwhelmed by the world/people around you/your circumstances, etc. imagine those things as meteors going into that star, burning up and being sent back out again as even brighter light.
Hope this helps