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(@lovendures)
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Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 4460
 

@beingme49

A very warm welcome to you.  Thank you for de-lurking and actively joining our community.  I also watched for quite sometime before I officially joined and it has made all the difference. It certainly has been a refuge in a dark time.  To be able to see light, feel light and send light in this age is a blessing.  To do so here with others, a gift beyond measure.

Glad to have you join us.


   
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(@natalie)
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Joined: 7 years ago
Posts: 290
 

My great grandmother passed away yesterday, she was 94. Earlier this year her younger sister passed away. I always knew this day would come but selfishly I hoped to god I had years left - her health was excellent for a lady of her age. She passed in her sleep. 

I don't if I'm grieving correctly. I feel like a zombie, sad, crying in spurts, confused. I wish so much this didn't happen. Also I'm concerned that she hasn't fully crossed over - I felt her sister's energy when she crossed, she was ready to go. My great grandmother on the other hand I don't believe was ready - I'm really not sure if she crossed over. 

I'm sorry I'm rambling, I don't think words are adequate for me right now. 


   
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(@deetoo)
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Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 2122
 

Dearest @natalie,

I am so sorry for the loss of your great grandmother.  I wish I was there to hug you and take away your pain.  

I completely understand when you shared that words don't adequately express what you are feeling.  I’ve been there many times.  It’s hard to comprehend the huge hole in your heart you feel when someone you dearly love passes on.  It feels like you’ll feel that way forever. 

There is no right way to grieve; it’s an emotional reaction, and it may entail many different feelings, physical responses, and changes in behavior.  What's important is to allow the grief to come whenever it needs to, and don’t judge any of it.  A few days after my mother passed, I remember going to her favorite department store, walking around in a semi-zombie state, crying, as I recollected the time I spent with her when we shopped together.  I was pretty raw, and didn’t care who saw me cry.   It was very out of character for me, but it’s what I needed to do at the time.  

What’s important right now is to take good care of yourself -- whether it's crying, talking about it with someone you trust, pampering yourself, walking in nature, having lunch with a friend, spending time with a pet, extra sleep (including napping) – whatever feels right to you.  You may not know what feels right at this moment, but the important thing is, give yourself time.  Allow yourself to feel.  Be gentle with yourself.  And please reach out to those who care about you, including all of us in this community.  We are here for you, Natalie, and we love you.

I’m sending you healing, comforting light and lots of love.


   
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(@natalie)
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Joined: 7 years ago
Posts: 290
 

Deetoo thank you so so much, you have no idea how much your kind words mean to me. 


   
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(@michele-b)
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Joined: 7 years ago
Posts: 2159
 

Oh dearest Natalie. My heart hurts for you. Obviously. inspite of many family challenges (or maybe more so because of it) your family especially your true root family of heart are very dear and important to you.

@deetoo said so much from her heart and gave lovely heart felt advice so I'll simply say reread her post and all others until your heart feels past our words alone.

The only thing I will add is light a candle, talk to her/them from  your heart, then write it on a piece of paper and leave it out.

When I have felt loved ones crossing over it was between 3 and 5 days of their passing. My dad's was so intense that my mother and I (sharing space and holding hands) both felt it on his 4th day since passing and announced it at the very same time to each other. It was a beyond amazing experience. Bur it isnt always experienced individually. 

We sent him love and thanked him for all he done for our family  for us and for being a loving light in the sadness of our deep loss of him.

It has been believed by many that written words that can be "seen" by passing by/on spirits intensify the spoken or heartfelt inner words. 

My mom actually asked me to pray for him and though we hadn't been actively practicing church members for decades, i found her rosary and did my best. It was just right for a lot of reasons she needed and I inderstood.

Anything we are drawn to do, in any belief system, for any reason allow yourself to do so. Scream, cry, laugh, love, eat, celebrate her/their lives right down to reverting to previous or other or olde belief systems.

We love you Natalie and we are so truly sorry you are so sad and missing right now.

 

 


   
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(@ghandigirl)
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Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 991
 

Dear Natalie,

 

    I am sorry for your loss. The world feels smaller somehow when our loved ones pass but I think the opposite is actually true. somehow the love we have for them transcends Space & Time. Your Great grandmother is aware of your pain. She is happy and free now. 

    I agree there is no right way to grieve. Even years later I am sometimes hit by a wave of sadness over my father's death. But mostly I do feel his presence and remember with joy all the laughter and kindness he gave to me and others.

    I am praying for you to find the strength to grieve and I am sending love and light to you too. 

   

  

       


   
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(@laura-f)
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Joined: 7 years ago
Posts: 2137
 

Dear Natalie - so sorry for your loss. Although she had a good run, I know it's still sad. I have a personal anecdote that might cheer you up.

My grandmother died in 2002. She was 96, of kidney failure, so not the worst way to go. I still miss her, but we did have a lot of good times, especially when I was a little girl. She had always asked me (an others in the family) to be sure that after she passed, she would be buried next to my grandfather, who died unexpectedly at age 53 when I was only 3 weeks old (he's my "guardian angel" but that's not the story).  Long story short, I had to "rescue" her ashes from a well meaning but procrastinating relative. In 2009. She also became one of my spirit guides. I kept her in my closet for a few years, and realized I wanted to set things right before moving cross country, away from the cemetery. So in 2013, I got all the info necessary to track down her plot in Brooklyn. I spoke to someone at the cemetery, who was very helpful, but I did have to pay hundreds of dollars to have the grave opened to put my grandmother's ashes in there.

I went with my husband and daughter all the way to Brooklyn on the day I had told them we'd come. It is an old school cemetery and I was shocked to learn there were about 9 other family members stacked in this plot! My grandmother was literally the last available slot!  As we approached the grave, there were 3 gravediggers waiting for us. We had brought some flowers as well, for my grandfather (and apparently everyone else). The head gravedigger said they had a little casket to seal the ashes into, and would I like to put a flower in there with her, and that it would be ok to take pictures (so I could document to the rest of the family that it was done, because I couldn't afford to re-engrave the headstone).  I did, because I thought that was sweet of him to suggest. They sealed the little casket, lowered it into the ground. Then the 3 gravediggers backed away, removed their hats, and bowed their heads, leaning on their shovels. The head one said "In case you'd like to say a few words before we fill it in?" I laughed, then I felt bad, and I said to them "Oh, no, we're fine. She lived to be 96 and passed in 2002, we had our goodbyes, so we're good, no worries!" I can still see the gravediggers in my minds' eye. Such a moment of tenderness and kindness from strangers. It's still funny to me that I had to take a moment to return the kindness by consoling them! And I know that my grandmother would have been amused too, and after that I got the sense that both she and my grandfather moved on together.


   
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(@jeanne-mayell)
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Topic starter  

@beingme49

Thank you for your kind words. I'm so glad you are here.


   
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(@jeanne-mayell)
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Topic starter  

@natalie

Dearest sweet Natalie. I feel your grief. I want to wrap my heart around you and comfort you.  You are so good and such a beautiful soul and I feel how much you loved her. I also feel your great grandmother also knew you loved her and loved you as well, beyond words. 

Your concern about her passing is so beautiful and caring, and I'm certain she feels your love.  It also may mean you have some unfinished business with her that something within you is crying out to complete.

Forgive me if it's not helpful but just in case it might help you, I would like to tell you about a Buddhist ritual that helps a departed loved one to move forward and make the soul's journey on the other side. It also helps you and any issues you may have about your own life that involve her.  It helped me get through a loss once.  It also helped me with my grief about that loss and my connection to the departed one.  Again, if you don't relate to doing this, no worries. I'd provide a link to it but I couldn't find it anywhere online. A Buddhist teacher gave it to me decades ago.  So. I will include it here: 

Find a spot in your house where you can meet your great grandmother each morning.  There's a quiet and sacred time that occurs each day right at sunrise when the earth's energies switch from yin to yang, or from night to day. 

Rise at sunrise for each of 55 days and go to the sacred spot you have made for her in your home. Light a candle and say three things to her:

1. Thank you. 

2. I'm okay.

3. You can go now.

When you say, thank you, take a moment to say more to her about that; say what you need to say to unburden your heart. 

When you say, I'm okay, you might feel the opposite. Your grief of losing her and of all that you have lost in your life may well up at that time. That's okay. It's part of the process that will help you grieve her loss and your own life losses.  And it will help her move on and it will help you move on.  

When you say, You can go now, you may not want her to leave you, but this also is part of the process of your helping her move on. It's also part of your own way of moving forward. She may feel she can't quite move on because you and others still need her. Perhaps she didn't help you enough when you were growing up. This ritual could help clear up so much for you. 

By the end of the 55 days, a great weight may lift off you. And you will help her too which is the main purpose of the ritual. 

If this ritual is not what you need, you could also try the three things just once in meditation at day break. 

I am not a morning person so I would set my alarm and go to the window, light the candle and do the ritual. One morning I overslept and my departed one appeared to be clear as a bell in a dream. He was sitting there tapping his feet impatiently to let me know he was waiting. It was crazy and wonderful because I knew he really was there. 


   
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(@laura-f)
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Joined: 7 years ago
Posts: 2137
 

I would add to this ritual that you tell her "Don't be afraid", as in Buddhist teaching, the spirit is in a kind of limbo called Bardo, and if they are too fearful they will not reincarnate well. Sometimes fear makes the dead stay too attached to the living.


   
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(@cindy)
Illustrious Member Registered Participant
Joined: 7 years ago
Posts: 600
 

My sympathies to all here who have recently suffered losses. 

When my daughter died, we had to travel to New York the next day. Only half of the plane's occupants had been recovered from the ocean, and they had yet to start the identification process. I had watched the news in horror thru the night. I did try to get to sleep, and I believe I've told the story here of believing that Monica came to say goodbye, patting my leg at 3 am. After that, there was no sleep. The plane crashed on Wednesday evening and we got to New York late Thursday afternoon. After meetings with officials, getting assigned our airline representative, and other 'official' business was conducted, I finally went to bed just before midnight. I was up at daybreak on Friday morning. I got a shower as my ex ran to get us some coffee. He jumped into the shower to prepare for the day's grueling meetings and activities. I went to walk to the window to peek out and see what was going on outside with the media. I was taken aback when I glimpsed a gray haired wrinkled, haggard old lady on my way from the bed to the window. I was momentarily perplexed at the thought there was in internal window that allowed me to see other guests like this. Knowing that couldn't be right, I turned back to see who this old woman was. I had passed a mirror on the wall. I stood there stunned, looking at my reflection. I saw someone in her 30's, with wet hair, no makeup, and swollen eyes from crying, not to mention the dark circles from lack of sleep. Somehow I felt the old woman was me-a reflection of my grief or what it could do to me. As I stood there it dawned on me that if this overwhelming grief could have such an effect on me, what would my grief be doing to Monica? I closed my eyes and prayed-and I can't say at that point in my life I was a believer. I asked for God and the angels to help me, because Monica had been through enough, if my grief could do this to me what would it do to her, and I certainly would never want to add to her burdens. I asked for her to be allowed to guide me in doing what was in her best interest going forward. I cannot explain the calm and warmth that suddenly enshrouded me. After breakfast and our first meetings with the NTSB and FBI, we had to go to the airport to pick up my sister. When my ex went to get a paper, seeing the opportunity to speak to me in private, our airline rep asked me how a restless night of sleep could have made such a dramatic change in me. I told him the story of what had happened that morning. I'm not sure if he believed me or not, but he kind of turned pale and simply said "Wow."

A few years after her passing, I had a reading from a big name medium. He told me he felt two men around me-guiding me. He gave me names, which didn't resonate. After mom did genealogy research years later, I wondered if at least one is an ancestor who's name correlates. I've done many meditations over the years to try and meet my spirit guides-once I realized such beings existed. I know they are there, I just seem to go black at the point where I'm supposed to see or meet them. One day, I did catch a glimpse of someone unexpectedly in a different guided meditation. The best way to describe her would be to say she was the live version of Grandmother Willow from Disney's Pocahontas. It took several days, but while driving it suddenly dawned on me, that decades earlier, the woman in the mirror in the New York hotel room may not have been my own reflection. I may have been glimpsing one of my guides-which at the time I had no clue such things existed. 

The point is, if you ask for help, you will get it. Above all else, when we are dealing with loss, it is in everyone's best interest to stop and think of what the loved one who has passed would want and what is in their best interest too. If they are so caught up in trying to ease our grief here, it could stall their progress there. I know that every time I was about to do something difficult-testify in front of Congress or a White House Commission, view or sort the wreckage, etc., I'd ask if it was something Monica wanted me to do and ask for her help. I'd get the same warm feeling and would find the strength to do what needed to be done. There was no doubt, she wanted me to be as vocal and active as I was. 

I think my parents time is short, I've been super busy with taking dad to all sorts of doctors and therapies, and now he's got pneumonia. When I need reassurance she finds a way to let me know she's there. I had gone to bed last night, and the dogs got me up to go out one last time. As I saw how bright the stars were (Monica and I used to stargaze together), I told her I needed help and guidance, and asked if she was here. Not a second passed before a shooting star emerged in the constellation I was gazing at. 

If you are missing a loved one, talk to them. They'll hear you. If you're lucky they'll answer. Your love for each other is eternal. 


   
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 CC21
(@cc21)
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@cindy

Cindy - thank you for sharing such intimate details of your experience. I find great comfort reading this, though so sorry you had and have to live with this experience. I am missing my Mom (she died in May) as we approach her birthday month, and I just had my first birthday without her. I do talk to her everyday and will continue to do so :)


   
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(@jeanne-mayell)
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Joined: 7 years ago
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Topic starter  

@cindy

Thank you beyond words for sharing your story.  I sobbed when you told how you considered how all of this would affect Monica.  You are right that we have to make their passing a gift rather than a curse. A close high school friend whose name is also Cindy lost her 18 year old precious boy when as part of the U.S. Olympic ski team, he was killed in an Austria avalanche. Cindy emerged from this believing that Ronnie was working with her to change avalanche safety.  She tours the country and made a video that saves lives, always with Ronnie by her side. 

 


   
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(@bluebelle)
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Joined: 7 years ago
Posts: 1207
 

@Cindy

I cried, too, when I read your post.  What an incredible loss and heartache you've experienced, yet all those experiences transformed you, didn't they?  Thank you for sharing your insights.  I was just thinking about my late mother this morning and how it has helped cope with that loss by recognizing it was the right time for her to go, that it was an end to suffering, but not an end to her spirit.  I truly hope these posts can help those who are grieving in our community.  Much love to you.


   
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(@deetoo)
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@cindy, your post moved me beyond words.  I was thinking about it all morning.  I have a friend who is currently in hospice, heavily medicated, and won't be with us much longer.  She is now surrounded by her large family and it's too late for me to visit and say my final goodbyes.  But I now understand that I can still communicate all of those things that I wanted to say, even if I'm not there at her bedside.  It's never too late.

Thank you for so generously sharing your story with us.  Bless you, Cindy. 


   
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(@lovendures)
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Joined: 6 years ago
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@natalie

I am very sorry on the loss of your Great-grandmother.  You have received so many loving words of wisdom, advice and love.  I hope they can help you to find peace.  The only thing I can think of to add is that we are all different individuals and thus we all grieve differently. It is important to feel and to be in touch with your feelings and emotions. May her memory be a blessing for you.


   
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(@lovendures)
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@cindy

Your words are so powerful, yet again.   Each time you speak of Monica, I can feel your love for and connection to her.  Thank you for sharing this gift  with us .

I wish you peace and love as you help you father though his final days.                                                                                            


   
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(@natalie)
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Joined: 7 years ago
Posts: 290
 

Everyone thank you. I am not one for lots of words at the moment - I am still really sad, if that's anyway to put it. Jeanne your idea is amazing and I will try it.

After my great great aunt passed earlier this year - I did a meditation trying to connect with my guides. I went pretty deep pretty fast, and somewhere in that meditation I felt a jolt of energy hit straight on and I felt the arms of my great great aunt around me. It was so real and so powerful and we were both crying and clinging to each other - I don't think I've ever had such a strong sense of someone else presence before. 

My great grandmother is not yet ready for this, she was not ready to go - I don't know why I keep saying that, but I feel almost an anger and not wanting to leave. 

Cindy reading your story was difficult. I am so so sorry for what you have been through. I wish I could enfold you in my arms and give you comfort. I am so proud of how you have used a tragedy to create some good in this world, its a wonderful thing. 

Thank you everyone - my heart hurts, your kind words are a real comfort. 

Love

Natalenka (what she used to call me).


   
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(@pacosurfer)
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Joined: 7 years ago
Posts: 136
 

@natalie

I am in awe of everyone sharing what they've shared. There are experiences where words are not adequate; whether it's grief or soul-love...there are times when not only are there no words but the energy to find those words doesn't exist.

It's okay. This is truly a safe space to just be.

 


   
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(@elaineg)
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Posts: 416
 

The friend, that I ask for help for a diagnosis, who was told, by the VA. he was dying even though they didn't know why, finally got to see a real doctor. He called me up, and said he thought his appendix was hurting, and he said he was going to the ER on Monday. I told him if it was his appendix, it couldn't wait. He didn't wait. I saw him at the store, and he said he has diabetes. How could the VA doctors miss that. At least it's treatable. Thanks for all the help. Everything you posted fit, the ER doctor said the diabetes had just messed up his insides.   


   
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