If you need support, understanding, and love, let us know here.
Everyone needs support from time to time and this is the place to ask for it. There is a multitude of light workers who follow this Forum and are guaranteed to surround you with love , understanding, and even advice, if you should want that.
I finally closed the last thread on this subject which had reached 20 pages and lasted a year. Time for a new one in a new year.
I feel rather sheepish asking for help on here as I've been silent for many many months, but the holidays always bring out tense relationships and emotions for me. Thanksgiving was probably the worst, although it was a competitive category with Christmas. I have been having issues with my pseudo sister in law for years. She has been dating my brother in law for 9 years and constantly complains that she doesn't have a ring on her finger. She also loves to spew advice, lecture others on manners and throw f bombs around in front the grandmother. The conflict I always seem to have with her is our view of things, she's always arguing with me over things and it's exhausting and I can't wrap my head around why we are so different. She said she doesn't understand feminism because women in america are free. I brought up women in other countries as one (of many) reasons that I support feminism and her response is that she doesn't care about anyone in other countries. Time and again it always comes back to not caring about other people beyond her immediate family and friends, of whom she is extremely possessive. It exhausts me, when she says that American foreign policy of the last 20 years was all done for moral and good reasons and then points her finger at me and demands to know what Canada (my country) has ever done. She doesn't give me the space to answer that or any question adequately because of the intensity of her vibes and negativity. I have never met anyone more negative than her, she is incessantly critical of anyone, including my friend who recently had a baby, no one is ever up to her standards and yet she's crude, vulgar, foul mouthed and domineering. However having said all that she really thinks we're friends, no matter how exasperated I become with her she always comes back for more spats and then love bombs me afterwards. One of her Christmas presents was tickets for me and my husband to join her at some show in a few weeks - last thing I want is to spend more time with her so soon after having spent time with her. I am sorry for venting, it just eats away at me.
This is a great place for caring and support so you should not feel anything negative about having to vent about such a difficult relationship.
My strategy with people like that is to mentally take a step back and see myself as the observer. "Look at that person mouthing off to the old bald guy!" (me) I learned a technique years ago called "fog banking" in which I don't try to either defend yourself or make a counter point. "What has Canada ever done???" ( A lot, actually. Great country. Served with Canadian troops when I was stationed in Germany in the early 1970s and they were a great bunch of guys but I digress.)
"What has Canada ever done??" - "I can see that you might feel that way."
"Feminism is bs." - "I know lots of people feel the way you do."
"Where's my ring??" - "I would imagine that you would wonder that."
You get the idea. You disengage with the negativity and don't pass judgement. She is obviously doing some very serious projecting and you will never win.
Toxic relationships are the worst. Take care and I hope you find something useful here.
Natalie, I'm glad you used this place to reach out. Welcoming you back with open arms. You are one the great spirits who graces these pages.
Agree with Paul to disengage. Disengage! I find it best not to respond at all to remarks such as your pseudo sister in law. If the conversation is online, then I don't respond. If it's in person, I do as Paul said and take a step back.
Don't try to change her with arguments. You can't. And you end out getting pulled down into the swamp with her. Step back. It's really okay to say nothing, nada. Just gaze back at her as she speaks, using a neutral gaze. Then when it's socially okay to do so without making a statement with your actions, quietly step away and talk to someone else.
Know that you are, dear friend, a wise, true, and deep soul. Engaging with those lower energies drags you down. Send love to her from a distance. Pray for her recovery from whatever wound she has. And step away.
I am really suffering lately. I feel overwhelmed with grief for the recent death of my little dog of 9 years. My mother is calling my house now looking for my deceased father and seems on the road to alzheimer's too. My PTSD and imbalance kept me from presenting myself calmly enough to get this little dog I visited for four days at the shelter. And my kid yelled at me tonight to , "Be Better" I am in need of healing and forgiveness. I am lonely and sad tonight and feeling sovery very misunderstood and alone. messages of comfort vs. advice would be most helpful please.
Natalie, along with the good lines for disengaging that Paul gave you, let me add "I'm sorry you feel that way." It's been one of my go to lines with toxic people for some time. That and "Your opinion of me is your problem, not mine." (<- for self reinforcement, not necessarily to be spoken out loud LOL).
ghandigirl, I'm sorry for your loss. Our pets teach us so much, and give us valuable comfort and companionship. You are not alone ever. Besides kindred spirits who are more than willing to send light, love and positive energy, you also have guides and passed loved ones who check in on you and send you love all the time. Just close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and you may be surprised to feel the love and light coming your way.
Natalie - Welcome back! You've been missed. I find an additional technique to employ works wonders - Mirroring. You just kind of repeat back what the person said in a different way. For example (where N is you and SIL is sister-in-law):
SIL: Feminism is stupid and american women don't even need it! They're already free to do whatever!
N: You think american women don't need feminism because they're free.
N: I understand.
*at this point change the subject and disengage *
Ghandigirl - so sorry for your loss, it never gets easier, I think because animals are innocent in every way, so it hits those of us who are more enlightened that much harder. Hang in there. Consider getting some CBD-Only Hemp Oil, it will both calm and focus you. Then go get that pup in the shelter!
Ghandigirl I understand where you are coming from and I want to send you warm thoughts and a giant hug. The loss of a pet can be very painful and I sorry that you are going through it. You have a lot on your shoulders but believe me you are not alone. Try and sit still with your thoughts and let them go slowly one by one, examine them and see what they can teach you and where they come from. At the moment try not to focus on the feelings of others and just work on healing yourself.
Lots of Love.
And thank you for everyone for your kind words yesterday.
They gave her to someone else. -sigh- I think she was a practice dog and maybe she was a gift to show me I do have room in my heart for another dog. although it is hard. We had him for almost his whole life . He was about 1 when we rescued him. Our Toby. I feel him when I am not clouded by grief.
I need help. My moble home burned on December 6, and I was lucky to get out because it was the middle of the night. Now I want to put another one up on my property, and the city is hym hawing about it even though it is a new trailer. Please send good vibes my way to help things go my way. Many thanks. ElaineG
My heart so goes out to you. I know what is like to face the ravages of a house fire. Whether it is a partial house fire or one loses everything they own, it can be so upsetting and even very frightening.
I send much love to you for the healing from this experience as you rushed out in the night and compassion, understanding, and mercy from those decision makers who must decide whether this warrants changing today's policies, codes, and regulations or whatever it their holding backs from this decision of change for you.
Please keep your own choices open as to what might be best for the site, the community, and most of all, you.
Sometimes things like this signify new ways of needing to look at our lives and the kind of best life you and those affected by these decisions deserve to have.
I want you to have a much better life, surrounded by others who love and care for you. I want happiness, security, but most of all safety, in the decades ahead.
I hold your best interests and great care and hope and wishes for you in all ways
Feel our hearts here, feel how we hold you close as one of us, and how we want and are praying and holding best thoughts for you.
Great big hug!
Elaine, I’m so glad you escaped the house fire and am so touched by the responses from our community. Michelle’s lovely post resonated with me, especially the suggestion about your keeping options open and her wishing you an even better, safer life. This may be a turning point in your life where you have even better opportunities. Be open to that. We are all sending you our heartfelt good wishes, our light, and a prayer that you are protected and guided in the weeks and months ahead. Peace to you from the higher powers that watch over us.