@codyroo and @anita, I’ve had many of those intense, raw feelings you have expressed, but have been reluctant to post them here. I admire your courage in sharing those feelings with us. Thank you. Up until now I’ve convinced myself that my reluctance to share that darker part of myself is because I haven’t wanted to bring other people down. But I don’t think my reason is that noble, or even entirely truthful. The fact is, my rage and despair sometimes runs so deep, that I scare myself. I know when that’s happening because I turn that rage inward, and become very depressed.
The family thing is a tough one. I am spending less time with certain family members, and have walked away from some friends. I have agreements with other family and friends not to discuss politics. It feels like a big piece is missing, since what is occurring has invaded our personal lives. The political has become painfully personal. So I mourn that piece I am unable to share with certain people. It really hurts, and I’m still coming to terms with that.
I am retired and because I have certain health issues, I don’t get out as much as I’d like. So during the day I am alone with my thoughts, which doesn’t help with my darker periods. That’s probably one reason why I engage so much on this site – it’s a wonderful connection with kindred spirits. And many times someone will post something I need to hear, at that very moment. Although I need to monitor my energy levels, I also make an effort to venture out every day, even for a brief period of time. That helps me with my darker moments. Stepping outside the house is stepping outside of myself.
Lately my trips have deliberately involved daily, short errands, where I interact with people who I do, and do not know. We have many immigrants who live in our community, so I make an extra effort to see them. I always strike up a conversation with a variety of people, even if it’s brief. I make an effort to be kind. I always make eye contact. I really look at people – what is behind their eyes. I wonder about their personal stories, what shaped them, how they are getting through their day. I eventually see myself in their eyes – the sadness, hope, dreams, anger, fear. I don’t know their political affiliations, or whether they voted for Blotus – I’d rather not know. I try not to kid myself. That anger I feel is there, always behind the surface, wanting to pounce on someone and say “what the hell is wrong with you? Wake up!” So in that moment, I don’t want any judgment to interfere with our sacred connection.
What I describe above seems pretty paltry, but it’s the only way I know how to get through this. It’s day to day, moment to moment stuff. I want to do more, but I’m not sure what that looks like for me. Sometimes my errands don’t do the trick – I might feel just as crappy afterwards. But I know that my thoughts, emotions, and physical burdens can turn on a dime. I can at least count on that! In a strange way, that comforts me. It tells me that there’s always hope.
There are days where I feel strong enough to forgive. I thank Trump for the lessons he gave our country, and tell him, in prayer, his services are no longer required.
I absolutely love that, @pacosurfer. I also understand wanting the world to burn, and to begin again. Rebuilding it from the ground up.
As you remarked, "let the Queen energy rule once more." My husband frequently says to me, "it's the women who are going to save this country."
@laura-f, thank you for the 1619 Project link. I saw the originator of the project interviewed on a couple of programs. You’ve probably heard by now that some conservatives are upset over this. Newt Gingrich called the project “propaganda.” These conservatives believe that the project is politically biased, and don’t like that black journalists are leading narratives on race and reexamining our history. Bunch of whiny, privileged, self-entitled babies. Get over it.